A Simple Jewish Wedding
by King in Yellow
Summary: Under the best of circumstances it isn't easy pulling off a traditional wedding with two brides. But when Motor Ed attempts to kidnap one of the brides you aren't dealing with the best of circumstances. Best Enemies series.
1. Chapter 1  KISS

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney.

NoDrogs created Kasy Ann and Sheki Go Possible in the story A Small Possibility. Their origin has been radically altered in my storyline.

A couple references in this story will make better sense after you've read the re-written version of Best Enemies. Since the re-written version has not yet been posted you'll just have to trust me and wait for it.

The first two chapters are set before the trial scene in The Blind Leading the Blind.

**Chapter 1 - K.I.S.S.**

Shego's higher than average body temperature made her the perfect cuddle toy on cool mornings. Kim made certain the older woman was awake by running her finger nails gently up the green woman's spine. "We need to talk. We've got to start planning the wedding."

"It's bad luck to plan now," Shego grumbled and attempted to go back to sleep.

"You're being ridiculous, you're the one who says it will be a real wedding, even if the state doesn't recognize it. But you aren't doing any planning. We could have just eloped in Canada where it would even be legal. But, no, you turned me down. I feel like you're getting cold feet again."

Shego sighed and rolled over to face Kim, "Look, Princess, it's not like that. My trial is coming up in a month. If they stick me in prison there's really no point in planning for a wedding."

"But if you don't go to prison there will be a wedding and we are going to be, like, completely unprepared."

"I'm worried that planning will jinx us."

"Jinx us?"

"Well, jinx me. If we get everything all planned I'll get thrown in prison."

"Oh great, how come I didn't find out your weaknesses until after we fell in love?"

"My weaknesses?"

"Yeah, Kryptonite, emptying the diaper pail, and a fear of jinxes and commitment."

"I don't see you wanting to empty the diaper pail either."

"Okay, point taken. Now, you have a choice this morning. You can call the rabbi and set up an appointment or you can drive your lover to insane heights of pleasure."

"Fine, I'll call the rabbi and have her come over. But if I get sent to prison it's all your fault."

"No, on that I know you're wrong. If you get sent to prison it will be your own fault." As soon as the words were out of her mouth Kim regretted them. The worried look in Shego's eyes told her the older woman really was frightened. Kim grabbed her, and held her tight. "We're going to be all right. Everything is going to be all right. But only if we start working on this."

"You really think so?"

"I really think so. By the way, that was a test. You flunked."

"What do you mean?"

"I said you had a choice, call the rabbi or drive me crazy. The right answer was, 'Why can't I do both?' Here, let me give you an example…"

Much later in the morning Shego set up an appointment with the rabbi for Sunday afternoon.

Before Sunday Kim spoke with both Ron and Monique. She caught Ron first, while he was working in the kitchen and had no clear line of retreat.

"You know Shego and I are talking about a wedding in February."

"That's what you've been telling me. It's still a little weird." Ron laughed, "You know, if I heard five years ago Kim Possible would be having a Jewish wedding I would have bet money I would be standing under the chuppah with her instead of Shego."

"Two questions, well three. First are you okay with this?"

"I guess so, I've had a couple years to adjust now."

"Second, what's a hoppa?"

"A chuppah, give it a hard H, like Chanukah. If you're going for a Jewish wedding you will probably get married under one, it's the wedding canopy."

"Better make this four questions, Ron."

"You've only asked two."

"Give me time. Old question three just got moved to new question four. The new question three, when we meet with the rabbi can you sit in with us? I may need you for Jewish to Christian translation."

"When is the meeting?"

"Sunday at three."

"No problem. I'll bake a pie. Now, what is question four?"

"Would you be my best man?"

Ron looked stunned. "Would I what?"

"I'm not really sure how this works. I've never been married before. Do you have attendants at a Jewish wedding?"

"Usually. It's kind of like other weddings. The bride usually has her friends as attendants, the groom has his."

"Well, we've got two brides here. I want a best man, and I want him to be you."

Ron thought for a minute, then grinned. "Okay, KP, you got yourself a best man."

The next day Kim noticed Monique's door was open and poked her head in the room. "Hey, got a minute?"

"Sure thing," her friend answered, pushing away a management text. "Whassup?"

"I've been hitting Shego with a stick to start wedding plans. She's just about useless with her trial worries. And I think we're both clueless about Jewish weddings, I've never been to one. But Ron tells me we get attendants. Will you be my maid of honor?"

Monique thought for a minute. "Kim, I love you like a sister. But I've got some problems with this wedding. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, but you'd do it for a sister."

"Probably," Monique smiled, "but you've got to remember. Marriage is very important to me. It's to be done seriously. I'm not sure about two women getting married."

"Do you believe Shego and I really want to be together?"

"I believe that."

"Then shouldn't we be able to make that kind of a statement in a special ceremony?"

The black woman thought for another minute. "Okay, but two things before I commit. First, are you going to make me wear some stupid bride's maid dress?"

"No. I want you up there with me. Wear whatever you want. Wear a clown costume, but I want you up there with me."

Monique sighed, "That answer just cost you points. I've got another condition. I don't want this wedding to be a joke. I'll only be a part of it if you are doing it seriously. Clown costume? Girl, do you want a wedding or a circus?"

"I'm sorry. You know I wasn't serious. My point was that you are my friend. It's important to me that you're up there beside me. I have faith that anything you wear will be beautiful and appropriate. Just try to not to look too much better than the brides, okay?"

"That's going to be hard when you're as hot as I am."

"So, you're in?"

"I'm in, GF."

"Thanks," Kim said, giving her friend a hug. "The rabbi will be here on Sunday afternoon to talk with us about the wedding. Do you want to sit in on the discussion?"

"Sure. Now let me get back to management."

On Sunday afternoon, while Ron cut an apple pie and poured coffee and milk, Kim, Shego, Rabbi Ruth, and Monique took seats at the kitchen table.

"Okay! Let's plan a wedding."

The rabbi opened a notebook and got out a pen, then turned to the redhead. "Kim, before we start, I have a few things I want to be clear."

"Okay, rabbi, I just want to roll on this before Sharon tries to back out."

"First, in the eyes of the state this is not a wedding. For a wedding to take place I would need you two to have a license. Actually I can perform a wedding for man and woman without one, and the couple is legally married by state law, but I am in violation of the law for doing it. Since the state doesn't recognize same sex marriage I just want it clear this is a Kiddushin."

"Kiddushin?"

"A religious ceremony of union. Sometimes widows have a Kiddushin so they don't lose their late husband's pension. The religious community recognizes it, but the state does not."

"Skirting the law, I think I like this," Shego grinned.

"And while I would be perfectly happy to perform the ceremony for two Jews I will only do this for you two if I know that Kim will respect and support Sharon's commitment to Judaism." The rabbi looked at Shego, "How has she done this last year?"

"Well, rabbi…" Shego hesitated and Kim glared at her. Shego smiled and finished, "She's done wonderfully."

"Then I'm going to accept the principle of the Ger Toshav and perform a Kiddushin." Seeing three startled faces she explained, "The Ger Toshav translates as resident alien. It means someone who shares values with Judaism. I think I already told you that same sex marriage probably has broader support in Judaism on a theological level than marriage with a Christian, but on a practical level the marriage to a non-Jew is far more common."

"So we get to break two social taboos?" Shego asked.

"You don't need to sound quite so happy about it," Kim chided her.

"What? I shouldn't sound happy at the prospect of marriage to the woman of my dreams?"

"I'm not sure how detailed we should try for today," Kim said. "We may just want to hit some of the big points, things we have to get moving on to be ready. Shego is going on trial in a month and she's a little preoccupied--"

"I know, I was talking with her defense attorney. Okay, we won't get too detailed on the service proper today, but there certainly are things you need to be working on."

"What's first?"

"Well, an obvious one is where do you want to have the ceremony? Are you talking about a large ceremony or a small one?"

"We're thinking pretty small. Maybe a couple dozen friends and family. It's going to be private. Can we do it here or do you have a suggestion?"

"You can have it in your home. It wouldn't be the first I've done in a house."

"Where are you thinking, Kim? Top floor? Entryway? Living Room? Two things we've got plenty of in this place -- space and heating bills."

"The sun room would be great if it and the library were in better shape."

"Yeah, and I'd like a genie to give me three wishes -- and there's about the same chance of my getting that as the sun room being ready by February fourteenth.

The rabbi jotted a few words in her notebook, "Oh, and what time?"

"Two?" Shego suggested. No one argued and two went into the notes also.

"Now," the rabbi continued, "if you really want this to be a Jewish wedding you need a ketubah."

Kim nudged Ron, "It's a wedding contract. The Jews invented the pre-nup." He told her, then he spoke to the rabbi. "But they can't get a kosher ketubah."

"Kosher ketubah?" asked Shego.

"He just means one with traditional wording. There are a lot of variations in ketubot. But tell me, Mr. Stoppable. Why can't Shego and Kim have the traditional ketubah?"

"'Cause it says they will be married according to the tradition of Moses, and Kim is a shiksah."

The rabbi smiled, "So, who did Moses marry?"

"Uh, I forget her name. She was the daughter of Jethro--"

"And what tribe was Jethro from?"

Ron paused for a minute, then his lower jaw dropped. "Moses married a shiksah?"

The rabbi smiled and nodded.

"You know, rabbi, you should have been a rabbi."

"Thank you, Mr. Stoppable." Ruth turned back to Kim and Shego, "I also suspect you don't want the clause guaranteeing the bride's virginity. The traditional payment in case of divorce, Jews invented alimony too, hasn't been big enough in more than a thousand years, and I insist on a Lieberman clause."

"I don't think I know that one," Ron said.

"The Lieberman clause says if they divorce a get must be issued or the spouse who wants one can receive it from the Bet Din, a rabbi's court."

"I think this is more complicated than I want to get into," Kim interjected.

"I'd rather talk marriage than divorce right now," Shego added.

The rabbi laughed, "You're right. One thing to consider, many ketubot are limited edition works of art. I've got some catalogues in my office; you should pick out a design you like. You can often hire the artist to fill in the personal information, like your names, with calligraphy and then you two, the witnesses, and I sign it at the wedding.

The rabbi went down to the next point on her agenda, "Shego, if you are wanting a Jewish ceremony I am assuming you want a chuppah."

The pale woman looked confused. "I, uh, what is that?"

"It's a wedding canopy, we get married under it," Kim said.

Shego looked startled and the rabbi laughed, "Someone is doing her homework."

Kim smiled, licked her index finger and made an imaginary tally mark in the air, "Oh, yeah. Score one for the Methodist."

"I'll assume you will want it hanging from the ceiling."

Shego smiled and nodded, wondering what she was agreeing to.

The rabbi turned to Kim, "Do you want to explain the symbolism of the chuppah to Sharon?"

Kim turned red and Ron chuckled, which brought him a glare. "It represents you two setting up house together," he whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear."

"It, uh, represents our setting up life together."

Shego had some trouble controlling her laughter, "Do we get to take that point away from the Methodist?"

"No you don't," Kim snapped, "I knew what it was even if I didn't know what it means."

Monique spoke up, "I hope you don't think this is weird, but I've never been to a Jewish wedding. At the weddings I've been to the bride comes in with her father. How does it work at a Jewish wedding, or one where you've got two brides?"

"Oh, oh, let me answer that one!" Ron said, "At a Jewish wedding both sets of parents come in with their kids. So Kim and Shego are set that way."

"Okay, that answers one question. Are there attendants at a Jewish wedding?"

"If the couple wants them. Kim, Shego, are you planning on attendants?"

"I wasn't sure what Kim thought about that, Ruth. If it was okay with her I was going to ask my brothers Will and Ed to stand up with me," Shego said.

"We're having them. I've asked Monique to be my maid of honor and Ron has agreed to be best man. "

"Music is not required, but most weddings have some," the Rabbi told them. "You should think about what you want and whether you want musicians or recordings. If you want live music you'd better get moving on that."

"I'm on top of it," Shego informed them. "I found a great string quartet in the music department, two faculty members and two grad students. They've done a lot of weddings."

Kim gave Shego a smile and a nod. Shego licked her own index finger and added a tally mark in the air, "We're even."

"Uumm, we need to talk music selection if you want this to be a Jewish wedding."

"Why?"

"Well, I get a little traditional about two pieces of music, the Wedding March and Here Comes the Bride. We usually don't have them at Jewish weddings."

"Why not?"

"The Wedding March is from the music for A Midsummer Night's Dream by Felix Mendelssohn. He abandoned his Judaism to get a better job. The other is a wedding march from the opera Lohengrin by Richard Wagner. Wagner is none too popular with Jews."

"So what can we use for a processional?"

"Use your imagination. Those aren't the only two songs in the world."

"Uh, Rabbi," Shego began, "I have a recessional in mind. The composer wasn't Jewish, but the text is strictly from the book of Isaiah."

"Not Wagner or Mendelssohn?"

"Nope."

"I'll go with whatever you have in mind then, I…" The rabbi stopped and glared at Shego. "You wouldn't."

"You just said I could."

"Will someone tell me what is going on?" Kim asked.

"You'll hear it after the ceremony," Shego promised her.

"This woman is impossible, you realize that, don't you?" the rabbi warned Kim.

"She finds my spontaneity endearing," Shego said.

"I'll stay in touch. We'll see if Kim still finds it endearing by your fifth anniversary."

The planning went so well that the rabbi had time to give them a fast overview of the ceremony itself. Ruth mentioned that the couple traditionally didn't see each other for a week prior to the wedding.

"I suppose I could move back in with my parents for that week," Kim suggested.

"Why you?" Shego asked. "There isn't room for the girls there, and I'm worried I'll start off behind in law school. Why don't I rent a motel room?"

"Or, you could move in with my folk for a week -- give them more time to know you."

"You don't have to decide that now," the rabbi said. "It is also traditional to fast the day of the wedding until after the ceremony. I suspect you don't want the veiling ritual, where one of you promises to look after and protect the other. The two of you strike me as too independent to want the other to be the head of the household." She was about to leave when she suddenly remembered, "We should also talk about the seudah--"

"I'm on top of that, rabbi," Ron interrupted. "It's my wedding present to Kim."

Kim put her hands into a t-shape, "Time out! Someone needs to explain whatever was just said to the Methodist."

"The seudah is the party or reception afterwards. You can't have a Jewish ceremony without eating afterwards," Ron told her. "I'll have one incredible buffet laid out in the dining room--"

"Ron," the rabbi interrupted, "will this be--"

"Yes, rabbi. It will be kosher. Honestly, I think you and Shego are the only two who will care. But I've found a place with smoked whitefish that it is to die for."

"You making the cake?" Monique asked. "I love your cake."

"Yeah, but wedding cake decorating is a pain. I've got a woman in my pastry class who loves that stuff. She's got a little catering business and I'm trading out my services for a party she needs to do in return for the cake."

The rabbi was putting on her jacket when Ron remembered something, "Oh, wait, who is going to break the glass?"

"Break the glass?" Monique asked.

"Jews have been breaking glasses at weddings for more than a thousand years. There are a lot of stories why. Anyway, by custom it falls to the groom. Since that doesn't apply at this wedding I suggest the Jewish partner assume that role."

Shego left to show the rabbi to the door. As soon as the two were out of the kitchen Monique turned to Kim, "I've got a new problem."

"What is it?"

"I don't want to be the only woman attendant up there at the front with three men. Attendants are supposed to be balanced, women on one side, men on the other."

"Come on, 'Nique, it's two women getting married. Can't you break just a little more with tradition?"

"No, I can't. You've got me out to my limit already, GF, my limit. How about I just drop out and you ask a brother or something."

Shego had come back into the kitchen, "What's the problem?"

"Monique doesn't want three guys and one woman up front, she says it's too out of balance."

Shego turned to the black woman, "Please, Monique. It means a lot to both of us to have you up there."

"Look, guys, I like you. But I want weddings to look traditional. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. But I'm already seven kinds of uncomfortable. I've never seen a Jewish wedding. I don't understand half of what the rabbi said, there are going to be two women up there getting hitched, and three guys and me as attendants is just the straw that broke my back."

"You want me to step down as best man?" Ron suggested. "Then you could ask Bonnie or someone to stand up with Monique."

"I want you up there, Ron," Kim insisted.

"Whoa, wild thought coming out of my brain," Shego announced, putting her forefingers up on either side of her forehead. "Ron, stand on my side as best man. Then Kim can get Bonnie and someone else for bridesmaids. We have to enlarge the wedding party, but it could work."

"Shouldn't one of your brothers be best man?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, which one do I pick - Will or Ed? I tell them that you as best man is Kim's idea. That way I'm off the hook and neither one will be mad at me for picking the other."

"I don't like trading Ron to you," Kim protested.

"Yeah, but you're risking losing Monique," Ron pointed out.

Shego turned to the black woman, "What do you say? Will you stay on as maid of honor if Ron is my best man?"

"I suppose," Monique said slowly. "Look, I'm sorry about making a fuss. Maybe I should just drop out."

"Don't you dare," Kim warned her. "I've just traded my best friend to my fiancé for the chance to keep you. The question now is who else to I ask."

"Girl, you really need to ask if Bonnie wants a spot."

"Yeah," Ron agreed.

"I'll vote with them," Shego said. "You owe her too much not to ask."

"Yeah, but she's such a 'phob I'm afraid she'll turn me down."

"You still better ask her first," Ron warned. "She's your friend even if you make her nervous. I bet she accepts."

"I'll ask," Kim agreed. "But even if she says yes I'm not sure who to get for the third spot. I don't feel like I'm close enough to Justine."

"How about Joss?" Monique suggested.

"Oh, yeah, uncle Slim and aunt Becky will be real happy about that," Kim muttered to herself.

"Tara?"

"I think she'll be about eight months then. I can't risk it," she sighed. "I'll figure out somebody."

"What colors are you going with?" Monique asked. "Both in white?"

"Do they qualify for white?"

"Ron!" Kim protested. "It's tradition for first weddings as much as anything." Then she turned to Shego, "It is your first wedding, right?"

"Yeah, but you know I can't wear white."

"What do you mean, you can't wear white?" Monique interrupted. "It's a tradition for first weddings. Is this some Jewish thing?"

"Should I go put on one of your nightshirts?" Shego asked Kim.

"Yeah, that should answer Monique's question."

After Shego left Kim turned back to Monique, "I think I can fit into my Mom's wedding dress. I'd like to wear it if I can."

"Why is it that Shego can't wear white?"

"You'll see in a minute, Ron. Can you tell me anything about the reception you have in mind?"

They talked about menu and the woman who would be making the cake for a couple minutes, then the door pushed open and Shego walked in, wearing one of Kim's white nightshirts. Monique and Ron both stared. Finally Ron managed to speak to Kim, "So, you're sleeping with Kermit the Frog."

"I'm not that much a freak," Shego complained as she sat back down at the table. "But, guess what - black and green aren't really my favorite colors. They both tend to make me look pale, and if I wear a dark green you just think some of my color is from my outfit reflecting off me. Put me in white, though, and I really look green because of the contrast.

"Black silk," Monique suggested. "Maybe a suit sort of cut -- something you could wear in a court room someday. A dark green ruffled tuxedo shirt. It could be kind of a classy look."

"Sounds like you want me to look groomish," Shego complained.

"That's funny, you don't look groomish," Ron laughed. Kim wadded up a paper napkin and threw it at him, bouncing it off his nose. "Well, I think she'll look very Darcy."

Ron and Monique looked puzzled as Kim and Shego smiled at each other.


	2. Chapter 2  Full House

Disney owns the characters from the Kim Possible series.

**Chapter 2 - Full House**

Bonnie was taking a study break in front of the television when the doorbell rang. She almost ignored it because they didn't have TIVO, but she was closest to the door so she answered. A young woman, perhaps her own age but who looked tired and perhaps older than her years, stood on the porch, "I was told this was where Ron Stoppable lives. Can I see him, please?"

"Sorry, Ron has a class and won't--"

"Bonnie? Bonnie Rockwaller?"

Bonnie looked more closely at the woman on the porch, she seemed vaguely familiar, "Do I know you?"

"No, I don't supposed you do," the little half-smile on the woman's face was bitter as she spoke. "We were in high school together. I wasn't in your circles. My name's Rosita Flores."

Bonnie searched her memory, but had no recollection of Rosita. She must have simply been another one of the faces in the hallway that had been beneath her notice in high school. "I'm sorry, I don't remember you. Do you want to come back in a couple hours? Ron should be back from class."

"I don't have any place to go. I heard Kim lives here too, is she around?"

"I think she's up playing with the twins, let me--"

"The twins? Her brothers are here?"

"No, her daughters?"

"Daughters? Kim and Ron have been busy."

"Uh, not Kim and Ron. I'll let her explain." Bonnie moved to the foot of the grand staircase and yelled up, "Kim, you got company."

Zita moved inside and closed the door behind her. She shivered, the weather was unusually cold for late November and it had been a long walk. Halfway down the steps Kim recognized their visitor and bounded down the rest of the stairs to give Zita a big hug, "I don't think I've seen you since high school! How's it going?"

"Not so hot. I really need a place to crash for a couple days while I try and figure out what to do. I was hoping Ron would let me stay with him. That is, if your landlord wouldn't mind."

Bonnie, who had not gone back to the television, felt something of a shock as she heard those words. She'd never paid enough attention to Ron back in high school to see him associated with anyone except Kim, although she vaguely remembered he and Tara used to flirt a bit. She had a feeling that she had not appreciated him properly.

"This house is in my parent's name, but Shego has paid for and done a lot of the remodeling. I think my folk regard it as ours--"

"Ours? Who are you talking about as ours? You and your parents? You and Ron? Isn't Shego that criminal? I'm confused."

Kim sighed; this was going to take some explanation, "Want to come into the kitchen for a cup of tea? If your story takes as long as mine you'll be here 'til Ron gets home."

"And, if its not too much trouble, could I have something to eat? I haven't had anything since breakfast."

"Let me heat something up for you," Bonnie offered, very much wanting to hear more of this conversation. Bonnie put on a pot of water for tea, and heated up a couple things in the microwave while Kim and Zita talked. Unfortunately while Bonnie wanted to hear more about the Ron - Zita connection it seemed like Zita simply wanted to hear about what had been happening with Kim. A call from Monique that the twins were awake took all three women upstairs. They returned to the kitchen a little while later with the toddlers, who became the center of attention until they heard a key in the back door lock.

A minute later Ron strode into the kitchen, waving a bag in his left hand, "Who wants one of the popovers that earned me an A in pastry class?" He stopped when he saw a stranger in the kitchen. In the split second it took for her identity to register with him Zita had thrown her arms around him and started crying hysterically.

Bonnie stayed in the kitchen, making a new pot of tea and serving pastries, to justify listening in to the conversation. She was burning with curiosity about another woman from Ron's past.

Zita's story was both conventional and depressing, a tale which made even Bonnie feel better about her own family.

Zita's family had no history of college education, and no money for it. Zita simply went full time at her job at the mall after high school As Kim's other friends had begun work on their bachelor's degrees the fall after high school graduation Zita had gotten her M-R-S. He managed a small store at the mall, and while he had represented a way out of her home Zita soon found his tyranny far worse than a domineering mother. The abuse was mostly verbal and emotional, but sometimes included the physical. No one should have to endure any of the three. Her mother's only advice was to submit to her husband's will and pray to God to change him. But God had not changed him. And as he held her arms and screamed at her that morning -- Zita showed them the bruises on her arms -- she told him she was leaving. He had told her to go and never come back, something she had no intention of doing. She walked to her parents' home, where she announced what had happened and was told to go back and beg him for forgiveness. When she told her mother she intended to file for divorce her mother than thrown her out, saying the family did not believe in divorces. She had been afraid to return to her job at the mall. Her few current friends had no room or money to help her, and most of her high school friends were gone. In desperation she had stopped at the home of Ron's parents, and told where he was living.

"Please, Ron, Kim, can I stay here for a few days? I'll sleep on the couch or floor. I just need a little time to find a job and get some money."

Ron looked at Kim, who nodded 'yes'. "Sure you can stay," he told her. "We just got a couple little guest beds in on the top floor. The rooms are small but you're welcome to stay. Do you have any plans?"

"Not really," she confessed. "I've got a sister in Texas. I haven't heard from her in years. She got a divorce and mom forbid us to talk with her. I want to call her, see if she'll let me move down with her. I don't know if that will work, but it's the only plan I have. And get a job. I don't have any money for a ticket or anything. I… I don't know how long you'll let me stay. But if she says I can come I'll want to work until I have enough to pay for a ticket."

"Do you have any clothes?" Bonnie asked.

It was the wrong question, it brought another round of tears. "The only things I own are what I'm wearing."

"Ron and I will take you by your old place tomorrow," Kim promised her. "We'll help you get your clothes."

"But what if he's there…" Zita began to ask, then remembered that Ron and Kim handled far more dangerous enemies than abusive spouses.

"I hope he is," Ron growled.

"Ron, why don't you take her up and show her a room? Zita, you can stay as long as you want. We'll try to find a phone number for your sister tonight. Ron, why don't you--"

"I'm on it, KP. I'll give her one of my old jersey's to sleep in, some towels, and get a new toothbrush from the stash. We've really gotten organized for company since Will stayed around for a couple days after Thanksgiving."

"Will Du is dating Monique," Kim explained to Zita. "She lives here too."

"Thanks, Kim. This is really quite a place you have here. When do I meet Shego?"

"She'll be home for supper. Now, let Ron show you a room."

After the two departed up the back stairs Kim turned to Bonnie, "Well, what do you think?"

"I think she's still interested in Ron."

"Where did that come from?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that was a weird thing for you to say. I asked for what you thought and you said you think she's still interested in Ron. I can't figure out why you'd say that."

"Look, Kim, she can't have lost touch with all her friends. She must have made some new friends in the last two years. But here she is, on Ron's doorstep. I'm just saying, it looks peculiar to me. Were they ever lovers?"

"I don't know. And I'm sure it's none of your business. You've never been anything but abusive to poor Ron. It's not like the two of you were ever lovers."

Kim stared in wonder as Bonnie suddenly bolted from the room. Even as she heard the sound of footsteps going up the big stairway in the front of the house the kitchen door swung open and a curious Shego walked in. "What in the hell did you say to Bonnie? She looked like she was crying when she ran past me."

"I don't think I said anything to upset her. Oh, we've got company. A friend from high school may need to stay with us for a little while--"

"One of Bonnie's old boyfriends? Not that Brick guy or whatever his name was, he sounds like a jerk."

"No, an old friend of Ron's. Bonnie said she thought Zita, that's the woman who'll be with us, is still interested in Ron--"

"Say what?" Ron asked. He'd suggested Zita lie down for a minute and had come back to the kitchen so quietly Kim had not heard him enter.

"I said it was a weird thing for her to say. I mean, the two of you are finally speaking to each other, but I know she's never had any interest in you and she almost sounded jealous of Zita. It was almost like you and Bonnie had been lovers or something. Weird, huh?"

Shego stared at Ron, he wasn't laughing. It even looked like he had colored slightly at the accusation. "Have you ever had sex with Bonnie?" she demanded.

"Look, it… I--"

"You've had sex with Bonnie?" Kim yelled at him.

"It was her idea. I didn't--"

"Oh, yeah, blame the victim," Shego interrupted. "You're never supposed to have sex with a housemate."

"Wait a minute," Ron tried to change the subject, "you and Kim--"

"We moved in together to move in together. That's different than putting the moves on someone who was just a friend when you moved into a place. Who's next -- are you going after Monique?"

"She put the moves on me! We were in your Jacuzzi and--"

"You had sex in our Jacuzzi?" Kim and Shego shouted together.

"Can we just forget this ever happened?" Ron asked.

"Is that what you told her? When did this happen?"

"Last spring, when--"

"Spring? Before Yori was here?"

"Yes"

"God, no one wonder she was pissed with you all summer Stoppable."

Kim broke in, "Ron, I've never known you to be a jerk before."

"I'm not a jerk, KP, I… Oh, heck. Fine, I'm scum. Are you happy now?"

"March yourself upstairs right now, young man," Shego told him, "and apologize to Bonnie."

"Apologize for what?"

"Everything," Kim suggested. "Start with the Korean War and work forward."

Ron glared at the two, then stomped out of the kitchen -- but in the direction of the front stairs and Bonnie's room rather than the back stairs to his own.

"Ron and Bonnie?" Kim mused in disbelief.

"I thought he was all hot for Yori?"

"Yeah, it makes no sense. It must be Bonnie's fault."

"Why blame the girl? You always told me she had no interest in Ron. Men are like alley cats, they don't care who they mate with. It was Ron's fault."

"No way, Ron is a great guy."

"The operative word in that sentence was guy, Kim. It was Ron's fault."

"Bonnie!"

"Ron!"

"Bonnie!"

Shego drew a deep breath, "Look, we can't decide what happened by arguing. Let's just wait and maybe someday we'll find out I'm right."

Kim snorted, "Oh yeah, like that's ever going to happen. But let's drop it for now… Ron and Bonnie? Who'd have thunk it?"

Monique wondered what was going on at supper than night. She understood why Zita was there and mostly silent. But Bonnie wasn't speaking to Ron, Ron wasn't speaking to Kim and Shego, and Kim and Shego weren't speaking to each other. Monique made the best of the situations by telling everyone anecdotes from her management class which would normally have been ignored. Tonight everyone seemed please to have any sort of background conversation.

They were not able to find a phone number for Zita's sister that evening after supper. It had been so long that she had no idea what might have happened to the older sister, she could have moved to another city or state, or have remarried and still be living in the same house. "I'll ask Wade to try and find out where she is tomorrow," Kim promised. "He can do anything with computers. Do you need a loan to get down to her if we can find her and you can stay with her?"

"Let's find her first," Zita sighed. "I think I'd rather earn the money myself here… I guess that doesn't make sense. I ought to just accept your loan offer and get out of your hair. I'm just so grateful to you and Ron this minute, God, I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you two. To be honest I want to stay around you two for a little while until I know I've got a life again."

"You're welcome as long as you need a place. It isn't very fancy up there."

"I feel safe there. I haven't felt really safe in two years."

---

Bonnie had modified her schedule only slightly since her freshman year. She was still an early riser, but on mornings when she was practicing some of her more energetic dance moves she usually didn't start her practice sessions until everyone else was awake. She finished double checking her homework and came down for breakfast about seven in the morning. Zita, apparently in nothing but Ron's old jersey, was helping Ron in the kitchen. It would have been stretching the facts to say Zita looked happy, but she appeared more comfortable and relaxed than Bonnie felt as Zita and Ron chatted and cooked.

"Any luck locating your sister?" Bonnie asked hopefully.

"No, but Kim says her friend Wade can locate anyone. She'll ask him to try and find her today."

"Oh, good," Bonnie smiled, "I'm sure you'll feel much happier when you have a real place to stay again."

"And what's wrong with this place," Ron demanded.

"Oh, nothings wrong with this place. She just needs a real place of her own instead of that dinky little maid's room."

"It's fine, really," Zita tried to assure Bonnie. "I'm really happy Kim said I could stay as long as I wanted."

_"Damn,"_ Bonnie thought, _"every time I actually start to like Kim she finds some new way to screw me."_ Zita looked far too good in that jersey, which wasn't nearly long enough. Bonnie hoped she was wearing underwear and not flashing Ron.

Kim, Shego, and Ron took Zita back to her apartment in the mid-morning. It was a section of town Kim didn't get to very often. There were small, worn apartment buildings mixed with houses that were probably lower middle-class when they were built -- but which had not seen proper repair for a half century. The rents were so low that, had it been closer to the campus, the neighborhood would have been flooded with college students.

"Don't they have trash pickup around here?" Shego asked, "Look at that pile of garbage on the sidewalk."

Zita stared, aghast at the sight. "Those are my things. That was my building."

"What?"

Kim pulled over to the curb and all four got out. It appeared that all the clothing on the sidewalk had been slashed with a knife or pair of scissors before being thrown out of an upper window in the building they stood beside. If anything had made it out the window in one piece it was likely dogs or kids had dragged it off. There were books, ripped in half, and a variety of broken dishes. Zita fell to her knees, crying at the remains of her life.

Shego pulled her to her feet, "Ron, you and I will go in with Zita. Kim, you see if anything out here is salvageable."

"What if he's there?" Zita asked as they entered the building.

"I hope he is," Ron muttered under his breath, "I really hope he is."

Zita's key failed to work, "A new lock."

"Is your name on the lease?" Shego asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Then it's not breaking and entering if you give me permission to open the door."

"Go ahead."

Shego glanced at the door, "Hell, that isn't even a real lock. No deadbolt, no cover over the strike plate and a spring latch. Ron, give me your student ID."

Zita glanced around the apartment, then moved through the few rooms, pulling open empty drawers and opening the doors on half empty closets. In the dish drainer, overlooked under a dishtowel, was a cup whose design matched the smashed china on the sidewalk below the apartment. "The china was a wedding gift from my abuela. She died six months after the wedding… We need to go, there's nothing here."

Zita held the cup carefully as they left. Before going out Ron punched a wall, leaving a fist sized hole. He drew his hand back for a second blow, but Shego caught his arm. "You're a good guy, Ron. You don't do that."

"And you're a villain, why are you stopping me?"

"Because I'm a frightened villain who is going to court in two weeks and doesn't need this on her record. You don't need it on yours. The bastard isn't worth the aggravation."

"I liked you better before you were scared."

"Please, Ron, I don't need this today."

He hesitated before finally speaking, "You're right, I'm sorry."

"Thanks… You know, I think I agree with you. I'd rather bust the place up with you."

"No, you were right the first time. He's not worth the trouble."

Zita was already outside talking with Kim when Ron and Shego finally left, pulling the door shut behind them.


	3. Chapter 3 The Honeymoon is Over

**Author's Note**: Zita came dangerously close to getting her own separate but unequal story so I'm calling an abrupt end to it in its narrative form -- at least in the context of this story. It might become its own story later. For purposes of ending that story: Shego calls Lipsky and Load and suggests hiring Zita as a receptionist. They aren't doing enough business to justify a receptionist at the moment, but Zita is desperate for any kind of job and, given the exorbitant costs of Jack Hench's Evil Lair Cleaning Services, Zita is hired to clean. Because she has a more practical turn of mind than the two inventors and the three ex-henchmen she will rise quite a bit higher on the organizational chart if she keeps working there.

**Chronological Note**: This chapter begins about a week after the end of The Blind Leading the Blind

**Chapter 3 - The Honeymoon Is Over**

Kim and Shego made it back from their trip to Mexico shortly after Christmas. They stopped first at the home of the Drs. Possible to pick up the girls.

"How were they, mom?"

"They were mostly angels. How was the trip?"

"Awful," Shego reported. "Days of nothing but lying out in the warm sun on a beautiful beach, eating strawberries. And we had to put up with each other in the privacy of no kids and no house full of friends. I'm sure we couldn't have stood it for another day without going completely mad." Kasy came running into the room and Shego caught her up in her arms and began kissing her as the little girl giggled and laughed.

"Well, it's obvious you didn't miss the twins," Anne said, smiling.

"Not a bit. Where's Sheki?" Kim asked

"My guess is that your father is reading to her."

"Okay, I don't want to disturb them. Shego, hand her over, my turn."

"Patience, Princess, I'm not done yet," and Shego quickly gave the little redhead a dozen more kisses before passing her to Kim. "Okay, here she is, but I'm going to go listen while Grandpa reads to Sheki."

"Don't disturb them," Kim warned as Shego went to look for the other daughter. When Shego was out of earshot, and between kisses to her daughter, Kim spoke to her mother. "I need help with a processional."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the rabbi won't let us use the Wedding March or Here Comes the Bride music that everyone else uses. Shego says she has something in mind for the recessional. And while we were in Mexico she said she knew what my processional has to be. I said I'd come up with a processional for her, but I haven't got any ideas."

"I don't know about ideas off the top of my head. Why can't you use the traditional ones?"

"The rabbi says its some kind of Jewish thing."

"What other kind of limits are there?"

"She said there weren't any, except I can't use anything by the two guys who wrote those."

"So you can have more contemporary music?"

"Yes."

"I don't suppose you'd consider a song by Billy Joel, 'You may be right, I may be crazy'?"

"Mom!"

Anne Possible thought for a minute. "Come down to the basement. I don't know if you're interested, there's a song you might like by the Eagles."

Fifteen minutes later, Kim laughed as she listened to the music, "That's it! Thanks mom."

"You're welcome. Anything else you need help with?"

"Well…" Kim hesitated. "I think Shego would like to follow a tradition where we don't see each other for a week before the wedding. I was sort of wondering if she could stay here that week before?"

"I suppose. I'll ask your father. Why her? Couldn't you move in for the week?"

"I could. But she's afraid of starting law school too far behind everyone who started in the fall and thinks she'd get more studying done here."

While they were talking Anne got out another album, "Are you sure you don't want to consider this?"

The voice of Billy Joel began, _"Friday night I crashed your party  
Saturday I said I'm sorry…"_

"Where are you, Pumpkin?" Shego called from the head of the stairs.

"Down here," Anne called. "Listening to music for the wedding."

"MOM!" Kim hissed.

Shego made it to the stereo in time to go down on one knee in front of Kim and join in the song,

_Now think of all the years you tried to  
Find someone to satisfy you  
I might be as crazy as you say  
If I'm crazy then it's true  
That it's all because of you  
And you wouldn't want me any other way_

_You may be right  
I may be crazy  
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for  
It's too late to fight  
It's too late to change me  
You may be wrong for all I know  
But you may be right_

"Is that going to be my processional music?"

"I'm starting to think it should be. But I have something even better in mind."

Apparently little had changed back at the house while they were gone. Bonnie didn't speak to Zita, but since she never had in high school neither one could say things were different. Bonnie and Ron were talking again, although the conversation was generally limited to phrases such as "Please pass the salt." Justine appeared frustrated by some difficulty at work. For a woman who could usually solve problems with ease any failure struck especially hard. Fortunately Felix was giving her lots of support, both moral and otherwise, in her hour of need. And Monique, who had put in many extra hours at Club Banana in the run up to Christmas was trying hard to catch up on Z's before the New Year.

There was something of a surprise on January thirtieth, when the UPS truck stopped at the house with a package for Ron. He checked the return address label and went looking for Shego, finding her in the kitchen looking for a diet soda in the 'fridge.

"What'cha got Stoppable, anything for me?"

"Actually, yes."

"I was kidding."

"I'm not. You're having me as best man. I wanted to do something for you."

"I'm counting the reception as one hell of a wedding gift for both of us. You didn't need to do anything else."

Ron grinned. "I'm hoping you're really going to like this."

"Okay, let me see it."

Ron handed her a box and she tore into it, then stared at the large square of black and green linen with fringes at the corners. "It's, ah, very pretty. What in the hell is it?"

Ron shook his head, "You don't recognize a tallis, a prayer shawl?"

"No."

"The rabbi asked if you wanted a chuppah, a wedding canopy. You remember that, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, traditionally the chuppah was the groom's tallis. You would have four friends holding up the four corners on poles during the ceremony. It used to be that the Ashkenaz didn't give a guy a tallis until he got married, so whenever he wore it to services he could remember his wife. It also let the mothers with daughters know who was an eligible bachelor -- they didn't wear one."

"Do the green and black mean anything?"

"No, usually a tallis is white and blue. The colors don't matter. Really, most of the thing doesn't matter as long as it has four corners. What's important are the fringes at the corners. There are six hundred and thirteen knots tied into the fringe. It symbolizes the traditional number of mitzvoth - commandments - in the Torah. The tallis can pretty much be any size, but some people call the tallit gadol, a big one like this, a tallis; and a little one, the tallit katan, a tallit. I figure if you're going to get married under it you need a big one."

"What's this thing on the edge?"

"Well, since the thing is square you need a little 'this end up' sign. That's where your neck will be when you wear it. It's called an atarah. Do you want to know what that means?"

"No. But it looks like there is some kind of writing on it. What does that say?"

"You don't need words on the atarah, but a lot of people have the blessing you recite when you put it on. You can put on anything. For you, Miss Lawyer-to-be, I had them embroider something from the Pirkei Avot, the Sayings of the Fathers. It says 'Examine the witnesses diligently.' Want me to show you how to wear it?"

"If you would, please."

Shego stood very still as Ron draped and folded the garment on her. "There, like that," he told her. "Some people buy tallis clips to hold it in place… Are you okay? It looks like you're crying."

"I am crying, damn it," Shego said, throwing her arms around Ron and holding him tight. "God, I think this is the nicest present I've ever received."

This was the moment when Monique walked into the kitchen, said 'Oops, ' and tried to leave. Shego called for her to stop, "Monique, go ask Kim to come in here."

The black woman went to find Kim, expecting that Shego simply wanted her to see the black and green garment she was draped in.

Shego did not let go of Ron. He was a little curious about what was happening, but there are worse ways of spending time than in the arms of a beautiful woman. That was the scene Kim saw when she got into the room.

"Care to explain this picture? My fiancé in the arms of my best friend. Aren't I supposed to get a gun and shoot one of you?"

"I can't marry you, Princess."

"Why not?"

"I'm going to marry Ron."

"What?" Ron asked in a startled voice.

"Yeah, what he said," Kim said.

"He's the closest thing there is a perfect man. He cooks, he cleans if you threaten him a little, he's amazingly thoughtful and he's Jewish."

"What about me?" Kim demanded.

"You don't do any of those. Besides, he seems pretty open-minded. He'll probably let me keep you as a mistress."

"Mistress rather than wife? I won't stand for that kind of demotion. If anyone is going to marry Ron it's going to be me. "

"He's not perfect for you. He's Jewish."

"Hey, you're Jewish too. If I'm willing to marry you I should be willing to marry Ron. Besides, I saw him first."

"Yeah, but you dumped him."

"I didn't dump him--"

"She didn't dump me," Ron interrupted.

"It just didn't work out," Kim finished

"Whatever. I say it's the same thing and I want to pick up his option."

Ron was still standing there in Shego's arms, wondering what in the world was happening and thinking it couldn't get any weirder. "Do I get any say in this?" he asked.

"No!" they said together.

"We're grown women," Kim said. "We should be able to find a way to resolve this."

"Uh, as long as neither of you go King Solomon on me and suggest cutting me in two," Ron protested.

"There must be some way of settling this like civilized women," Shego remarked.

"You know, it would be much easier to carry on a conversation if you would let go of Ron."

"Oh, but he's very huggable. Much better than your Pandaroo. You don't mind my hugging you, do you Ron?"

The women smiled as he panicked. You can't tell a woman with plasma powers you don't like her holding you -- and you can't say you like her embrace in front of your best friend. "Can I pass on that?"

"Should we flip a coin for him, Princess, or cut cards?"

"Actually, I'm starting to think we may not be able to resolve this peacefully. We may need to fight a duel."

"To the death?"

Kim grinned, "Well, sort of, I was thinking of _la petite mort_."

"How does that work?"

"First one to die loses."

"That's no fair. Ron has me so turned on you'll win right away."

"Really?" Kim asked.

"No, I'm just suggesting, in my far too subtle way, that we should make it best three out of five."

"Oh, I like that even better."

Shego handed the tallis to Ron. "Could you fold that up right for me? I wouldn't want it to get damaged in the… uh, fight."

"Your wish is my command, oh Miss Less-than-subtle," Ron complained. "Since you two are fighting over me I don't suppose you'd let me watch."

"No!" they said together.

"Jinx, you owe me a soda," Kim giggled.

"You're not getting a soda, you're getting a tongue lashing young lady."

"Promises, promises, let's see some action!" and the two left the kitchen for the privacy of their bedroom.

Ron was folding up the tallis when Monique returned to the kitchen. "What's going on with the young lovers? When I came downstairs they had their hands all over each other while they were going up. I think I heard Kim ask something like, 'best seven out of thirteen?' Do you have any idea what that was all about?"

"I do, 'Nique," Ron sighed wistfully. "I always imagined that having two women fighting over me would be more fun… You know they don't even have a decent-sized key hole on their door to look through"

"Ron, I don't want to know why you know that."

---

Kim and Shego had nothing in particular planned for New Year's Eve. Bonnie had invited most of the theater department to the house for a party. Monique was out with Will, and Justine had been invited to the party Kim's dad threw for co-workers at the research center. Felix had gone with Justine and was being introduced to co-workers as her boyfriend.

Kim and Shego considered going to the Possible's party, or going out by themselves. Having just had their 'honeymoon' in Mexico, however, they decided to stay home with the girls. Since the theater majors had taken over the rest of the house they barricaded themselves in the bedroom and nursery with an older television, a VCR, and a stack of mostly action/adventure movies. Zita, having no place to go, put on a pair of pajamas and joined them, and Ron also sought refuge with them against the ravaging hordes of theater folk.

"God, I love Jackie Chan," Shego sighed as Kim took _The Tuxedo_ out of the VCR. He knows his stuff and does comedy a well as he does the action sequences. Have we got any more of his?"

"Sorry, Dear, that's the end of Jackie Chan. I hope you like this next one, it's to remind us that we really have wonderful parents." Kim popped in a new tape.

"What's it called?" Shego asked.

"_But I'm a Cheerleader._"

"I don't think I ever heard of it."

"Oh, I think you'll like it."

Ron had made a foray down to the kitchen and popped up a couple bowls of popcorn in coconut oil for the wonderful artery-blocking-chockfull-of-cholesterol taste of movie popcorn. Kim and Shego were seated on the floor at the foot of the bed, using the bed as a backrest. Each had a girl on her lap and there was a bowl of popcorn between them. Ron and Zita were on top of the bed, sharing the second bowl.

"Damn, we're becoming an old married couple and we aren't even married yet," Shego complained.

"What do you mean?"

"New Year's eve, Princess. Do you remember how this whole thing started?"

"I don't count New Year's eve as our anniversary."

"Well you should. Anyway, here we are watching movies at home with the children, in a house with a mortgage--"

"No there isn't."

"It's a metaphorical mortgage! Anyway, I'm just saying we're here with friends and kids instead of out painting the town red. We're dull, dull, DULL!"

Ron turned to Zita, "I'm not sure, but I think we should feel insulted."

"So tell me, oh Great Whining One," Kim demanded. "Were you happier without me back in the days of your irresponsible freedom?"

Shego looked down at Sheki, asleep on her lap. "No, I'll admit I'm happier now. Of course, if you remember, you said I had unusually low expectations. That's probably why I settled for you."

"Are you going to take that, Kim?" Zita asked.

"I'll punish her after you go to bed." Kim promised. "I'll have her begging for mercy… Or begging for more, maybe both."


	4. Chapter 4 Let Him Object Now

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 4 - Let Him Object Now**

Zita was cleaning in the kitchen at the former Lair when the phone rang, "Lipsky and Load, how may I direct your call?"

"Yo, is cousin Drew there?"

"Please hold while I find him." She hit the intercom button and announced, "Mr. Lipsky, line two for you."

"I wish she'd say Doctor," Drakken complained as he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Yo! Drewster! How's it hanging?"

"Ed?"

"Yeah, man. My buds busted me out of the joint two weeks ago. Your mom says you're going legit, is that some new scam you're running on her or what?"

"I'm, uh, just biding my time. Lull people into a false sense of security before I try to take over the world." Wade looked up from experiment one hundred and seventeen on creating a stable cloning technique. He noted with relief that Drakken had his fingers crossed.

"So, what are your plans now that you're out?"

"Nothing fer certain. Probably do some custom work for outlaw bikers until I think of something I really want long term. Short term I want to party. It's lonely in stir. I thought a lot about your lady who can scrap. I want to see if she wants to step out."

"Uh, Shego is not with me any more."

"Oh, sorry, man. You got a number for her?"

"I don't think that would do you much good. She's getting married in six days."

"Hey, she's not married yet. She might want a last fling. I fling real good."

"She seems fairly devoted to Kim."

"What did you say the lucky dude's name is?"

"Kim, Kim Possible."

"Whoa, man. Major weird. Isn't that like, Red's name? Is he a brother or something?"

"Er, no. Shego and Kim, Red, are living together."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone as Motor Ed tried to process the images. "Sick and wrong, man, seriously. Lesbians are supposed to be ugly. So where is the green babe living?"

"You're not going to call her, are you?"

"Of course not, man. I'm just curious. I kind of thought there was some sort of connection between me and her. Maybe I'll send her a wedding gift. Any idea what they might like?"

"She and Kim seem to have everything they need. I'm actually getting them a gift certificate to a children's clothing store."

"Children's clothing?"

"They have two daughters."

"Seriously?"

"You've been out of touch for a long time."

"I guess so, man. Weird, seriously. Can you give me the address in case I want to send a card or package?"

"Certainly," Drakken agreed. What could it hurt?

---

"We've been out here an hour, Ed. What are we looking for?"

"My green babe, or Red. I want to know what's happenin' with them."

"We've seen a guy arrive with a wheelchair--"

"Oh, yeah. I recognized him. He's a friend of Red's; this is the place. I want to get a little leverage on Shego. I'm looking for a couple kids."

"So how long we gonna sit here?"

"As long as it takes, man," Ed replied, slapping his assistant on the head.

"So, whose kids are they?" a second man asked.

"I don' know," Ed replied. "Sometimes 'ol Drew called them Shego's kids and sometimes he called 'em Red's kids. But I think we can get the attention of 'em both if we grab the brats."

The day was unusually warm for February and Bonnie decided the twins could use a little fresh air. She bundled them up and loaded the toddlers in a double stroller for a trip to campus. She didn't notice a panel truck parked near the house as she pushed her charges down the sidewalk. Nor did she notice it following her until it pulled to the curb slightly ahead of her and three men jumped out. A man with a mullet and biceps like volleyballs demanded, "Are these Red's kids?"

"Red?"

"Kim, or whatever her real name is," he looked at the two youngsters, surprised to see some of Shego's coloring. "Yeah, these are the brats."

Bonnie tried backing away, but he grabbed the stroller. Bonnie swung at him, but he caught her fist. As she struggled he told his men, "Grab the kids." To Bonnie he gave a warning, "Tell the green babe I want to see her. Hell, tell Red I want her to come too. I want to see both of them. I don't believe what I heard. You tell 'em to be on the corner of Nineteenth and Ash at one. One, you got that? And tell 'em not to call the cops and to come alone if they want to see the kids again."

The big man jumped into the back of the panel truck with the other men and the two girls, both of whom were now screaming, as the truck accelerated away from the curb, tires squealing. Bonnie stared at the truck, memorizing the license plate. She turned the stroller upright, the idiots hadn't even taken the diaper bag, and then the dancer started running home with a speed few runners could have matched.

Bonnie left the stroller in front of the porch as she dashed up the steps and burst into the house, "RON! RON! Someone took the twins!"

Bonnie was panting from the run as Monique came running from her room upstairs, Ron came into the entryway from the kitchen, and Justine came out from the living room -- followed a minute later by Felix in his wheelchair.

"Anyone know where Kim is for sure?" Bonnie gasped.

"Shopping with her mom. I don't know where."

Bonnie cursed, whipped out her cell phone and hit a speed number. Kim's cell phone rang in the closet. "The idiot wore the wrong coat." Bonnie cursed the warm weather that had encouraged her to take the twins out and caused Kim to wear a lighter jacket.

"Slow down, slow down," Ron demanded, moving behind her and gently massaging her neck and shoulders. "Tell us what happened."

Still trying to catch her breath, Bonnie told the story as best she could. Ron stopped her part way through the story, "He called Kim Red, and he had a blonde mullet?"

"Yeah, do you know who he is?"

Ron looked at Felix and raised an eyebrow, "The son-of-a-bitch," the man in the wheelchair said.

Justine looked at Felix in surprise, "Who are you talking about? I don't think I've ever heard you use that term."

"He stole my wheelchair, his name is Motor Ed. From what I hear it was Drakken's idea, but he had the excuse of being crazy. The story is that Shego tried to talk them out of it. He must want revenge on Kim."

Ron nodded, "Revenge makes sense."

"Shego, we've got to call Shego," Bonnie said and raised her cell phone.

Ron took the phone from her hand, "No. She might really hurt someone. Even if the court eventually rules it justifiable she'd be in jail on February fourteenth."

"So what are you saying we should do, Mr. Know-it-all?" Bonnie snarled.

"First, finish your story. Did you get the license number?"

"Of course, Dumbo--"

"Should we call the police," Justine asked.

"That sounds reasonable to me," Monique added.

"I don't think it's what Kim would do," Felix said. "'Mon, why don't you call Wade, see if he can locate Kim."

The black woman nodded and left to find a quiet spot to make her phone call.

"Damn it, we've got to do something," Bonnie snarled. "He wants to see Shego and Kim at one. And we can't find Kim and you won't let me call Shego."

"Don't give up on Kim." Ron told her. "I'll bet Wade can find her. Finish your story while Monique makes her call."

Bonnie, finally starting to recover her breath, filled in the rest of the details.

Ron voiced his opinion, "Sounds like he really wants to see Shego. I happen know someone who makes a very convincing Shego."

"Me?" Bonnie asked in surprise.

"Yeah, you," Ron said. "We'll wire you. If they take you where the girls are the rest of us will move in--"

"I don't know how much help I can be," Justine said nervously.

"Well, I'll move in. If we can get Kim the two of us can take out Motor Ed and his gang without any trouble."

"We're not getting Kim," Monique announced as she rejoined the group. "Wade is out of town. I talked with Drakken for a minute. He's the one who told Ed about the wedding. He doesn't think the motive is revenge. He said Ed has some kind of a crush on Shego."

"Oh, that's wonderful," Bonnie muttered, "can't that woman have any normal relationships?"

"Maybe we should call the police," Ron said.

"No we won't. We'll stop him ourselves." Bonnie looked at Justine. "Ron, go get me two oranges."

"Two oranges?"

"Two oranges and a little padding ought to be about right for Kim here."

"I still don't--"

"Look, Kim isn't grapefruit sized. Now get me the damn oranges!"

Felix spoke up, "I'm not sure I want Justine to--"

"Well, she'll make a better Kim than you, Ron, or Monique." Bonnie looked at the thin woman, "You want to try and help Kim?"

"I'm in."

"Good, I'm going to make sure that bastard Motorhead regrets the day he crossed Bonnie Rockwaller."

Ron knew he'd have to tell her it was Motor Ed before she left, but he wasn't about to correct her at that particular moment.


	5. Chapter 5 To the Rescue

Disney owns all the Kim Possible characters.

**Chapter 5 - To the Rescue**

Bonnie stepped back and looked at her work critically. Kim's mission clothes were baggy on Justine. She thought of telling the thin woman to wear more clothing underneath, but was afraid things would bunch incorrectly and leave 'Kim' looking lumpy. "Tell them you've been sick and lost weight," she instructed her 'partner.' The clock read twelve-twenty. Bonnie hadn't even started her own make-up, and knew she didn't have the time to do all she wanted. A fast call to Drakken confirmed Ed had not seen Shego in some time, so hopefully he would miss any obvious mistakes.

Twenty-five minutes later Bonnie still felt she needed to do a lot more work when her cell rang, "Get that," she barked at Justine, "it's on my dresser."

Justine spoke briefly into the phone, then called to Bonnie, "It's Ron. He's in position with the Volvo. He says he can see Felix and Monique. He says they're set up. He wants to know when we're leaving."

"Tell him we're on our way. Can you drive a stick? I'd like a couple more minutes to put on makeup in the car."

"Sorry, I can't drive a manual transmission."

"And you call yourself a genius," Bonnie grumbled as she grabbed a key for the old Bug and one of Shego's coats -- forgetting that she had left her mike in one of her own. She had not gotten into the car before an important memory flashed through her mind and she ran back into the house -- to grab the diaper bag.

The two barely made it to nineteenth and Ash before one. Bonnie parked the car and the two got out.

"Which corner did he say," 'Kim' demanded.

"He wasn't specific," 'Shego' said, ostensibly scanning the street for the panel truck she had seen earlier, but actually looking for Ron and Felix for a little reassurance. She managed to spot Felix, but gave no indication of the fact. She was still looking for Ron when a truck which looked identical to the earlier vehicle pulled up. Bonnie quickly noted it had a different license plate, but when the back opened Ed and another man jumped out; apparently they had changed the plates.

"Into the truck," Ed growled, and Bonnie and Justine complied.

Ed grabbed the diaper bag and handed it to one of his men, "Search it."

"I'm not getting any pick up on the mike for 'Shego'," Drakken complained

"Well why didn't you mention it before now?" Ron demanded.

"Because I was hearing both of them perfectly well through the mike on 'Kim.' If you're looking for someone to blame, blame her."

"Did you hear that, Felix?" Ron asked.

"I've got the radio over here," Monique reported. "What does this do to our plans?"

"I'm not sure," Ron replied. "I think we need to keep things loose in any case, we don't know what Ed is planning and have to be flexible. Let's just hope they don't split up Bonnie and Justine. Dr. D? Call the Possible residence. Do not, repeat, do not, tell Shego what's going on. See if anyone there can get in touch with Kim's mom. Ask her to tell Kim to call me ASAP. You got that?"

"Have Kim call Donald, check. Why aren't we telling Shego?"

"It's Ron, you great blue idiot. And we aren't telling Shego because we would really like for her to stay out of prison. I hope you approve of that."

"Whatever," Drakken muttered and got off the radio to make the call.

"Felix, I've been following as long as I should. I'm going to take a right on Eleventh Street. Are you in position to pick up the tail?"

"I'm fine Ron, why are we following so tight? Didn't they take the GPS chips?"

"You're right. I forgot to check with Drakken. When he comes back on we'd better check that. It would make life easier."

Ron took a right, then a left, and tried to parallel the direction of the panel truck. Drakken spoke up a minute later. "No one home at the Possible's. I didn't leave a message, if Shego picked up the message it would sound too suspicious if my voice was asking someone to call Kim's mom and have her tell Kim to call Randy."

"It's Ron! You're just doing that to irritate me. I know it."

"Would I do a thing like that, Robert? Oh, it would sound better if you left a message asking them to have Kim call you."

"Will do, now--"

"Will Du? Is he there."

"No, I'm just saying I will do that. Felix wanted to know if you have a GPS chip with 'Kim' and 'Shego' we're worried our tail might get spotted."

Drakken checked the monitor, "You're fine," he assured them. I've got all three of you. Only one chip in the lead vehicle though. The GPS chip must have been with the mike."

"And Bonnie cursed Kim for being careless," Ron muttered. "Dr. D, Wade was able to use satellite images for tracking. Is there any chance you could tap into that without blowing the place up?"

"Now who's being insulting?"

Ed had been in the front of the truck speaking to the driver, a short man with a greasy pompadour. They had watched a suspicious looking Volvo that might have been tailing them, but noticed with relief that it had turned and was no longer behind them. Feeling confident that Kim and Shego had come alone Ed went to the rear of the van. His henchman told him there was nothing in the bag but diapers, baby wipes and a couple sippy cups with juice. Ed peered closely at 'Kim.'

"Whoa, Red, you haven't aged well, seriously."

"She's been sick. Why are you doing this? Where are the twins," 'Shego' said.

"Babe, I'm doing this for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah, the Drewster said you and… I mean, that makes no sense. She's got a chip or something on you."

_"I'm an actress,"_ Bonnie told herself, _"I can do this."_ "She hasn't chipped me. We love each other."

"You and Red?" Ed laughed. "You got to be chipped. Babe, she's a girl. Haven't you noticed? I mean, she's gotten skinny, but Red's a girl. C'mon, we'll go back to my hideout and I'll check you over real carefully." Bonnie shuddered as he gently ran his hand up her arm. "I'll have you feeling better fast, seriously."

"Where are the twins?" Justine demanded, trying to keep the focus on getting the girls back.

"They're fine," Ed said dismissively. "I just wanted to talk with the pretty babe."

"Then give me my girls."

"Look, Red, you're in no position to make demands."

"Please," 'Shego' asked. "Give her the girls. Let them go. I'll go back to your hideout with you." _"Ron, you sure as hell better be tracking me."_

Justine, unsure what Bonnie's plan was, spoke up, "What's wrong with our being lovers. It happens. Let us both go. All we want is the girls back. We won't even report you to the authorities."

Ed looked at her again, "Whoa, you don't sound like Red either. What's going on here? Seriously."

"You haven't seen her in years," 'Shego' said. 'She's in college now."

"Oh, yeah. That's right. You two are really lovers?"

Ed sensed some reluctance in Bonnie's voice as she answered 'yes'. "Then show me something. I want to see the two of you kiss," he demanded.

"I don't… I mean, we…" Bonnie stammered.

_"You're supposed to be an actress?"_ Justine thought as she leaned over and grabbed 'Shego' by her jacket, pulling her close and pressing her lips to Bonnie's. _ "Damn it Bonnie, try and act like you're enjoying this. We've got to convince him Kim and Shego are lovers."_

With Bonnie being unresponsive Justine tried to make it believable by extending the time their lips were together, even if the experience was not much different from kissing a brick wall.

'Shego' involuntarily shuddered as 'Kim' ended the kiss. Bonnie cursed herself for being a poor actress, but it seemed to work in her favor. "See, you don't really like her," Ed said. "She's just got some weird hold on you."

"Maybe you're right," Bonnie said, edging a little closer to Motor Ed. "Why don't you give her the kids and we'll go off together."

"We could just dump her in the river tied to a cinder block."

"The ice is probably too thick. You'd just make her mad. Besides, you don't really care about her, do you? It's me you're interested in, right?"

"Yeah, but--"

'Shego' put a finger to his lips, "Hush now, we shouldn't let her come between us. I owe her one; she helped keep me out of prison. I've paid her back by playing her love puppy. And I'm sure you don't want a kidnapping charge, do you?

"No."

"Good, so give her the girls and then it's just you and me."

"Hit it, man," Ed yelled at the driver. "Get us back to the motel."

"Which one?" he demanded the one where we's staying or--"

"The one with the kids."

As the van sped up Justine quickly adjusted an orange. 'Kim' had put enough effort into kissing 'Shego' that she had gotten out of balance.

"Did you hear that?" Monique asked.

"I copied," Ron reported. "How about you, Dr. D?"

"I heard it fine, thank you. And I've got the satellite images figured out. I can follow the truck on the computer."

"Good, 'cause it sounds like we're about to see the breakup of Kim and Shego. Monique, ask Felix what he wants to do. I imagine you and him will stay with Justine if they drop her off."

Monique got back on the radio a minute later. "He says his first choice is stay with Justine. His second choice is to run over Motor Ed. It sounds like he's got at least three guys: there is someone with the girls and he has two guys in the van. What do we do in case of a bad split? You and Kim gave me some training, but I don't want to take on three guys."

Ron was silent for minute. "Pray we don't get a bad split. You're sure not able to handle Ed by yourself either. Let's hope he's forgotten how good Kim is, or thinks she's been sick, and doesn't leave three guys with her."

"Head's up, people," Drakken's voice crackled over the radio, "they're pulling into a motel parking lot. It looks like they're driving around to the back. One of you, pull into the front. It looks like a filling station across the street, the other one of you needs to pull in there."

"We'll take the motel," Monique said.

Ed's van stopped in front of room seventeen. "Take Red in, and stay with her and the brats." He told the short man. "Send Sid out, he's had his turn babysitting."

"Whatcha want me to do wit' the broad an' the kids?"

"I dunno. We need to hold 'em for awhile, just to make sure the green babe is being level with me."

Justine took the diaper bag, "I'll need that."

"Nothin' funny," Ed warned her as he opened the back door of the van.

"Wait," Bonnie demanded. "I want to see that the girls are all right."

"What's it to yah?" Ed demanded.

"I've grown attached to the little rugrats," 'Shego' answered. "You want me to play nice with you? Then you play nice with me!"

"Felix wants to know if we should move in now?" Monique asked.

"We need to save Shego's kids," Drakken voted.

Ron hesitated, "We need to make sure the girls are all right. Bonnie is buying us time. It sounds like Ed just plans to leave one guy with Justine and the girls. I don't think we should make a move yet. I don't want the twins getting hurt in a big fight. Felix, Monique, you stay here. Monique, you can handle any one of Ed's men. Rescue the girls. Doc, you've got to help me tail Ed and Bonnie. I hope I can fire up the old MMP fast if I--"

"MMP?" Drakken interrupted.

"Mystical monkey power," Monique explained.

"Just keep the van on your computer monitor," Ron warned him. "We're going to lose audio and GPS on Bonnie, and I don't want to lose her. I don't want Ed to hurt her."

"Don't worry, Donald, I'm on it."

Ron sighed and rested his head against the steering wheel. Talking with Drakken was not making him feel any better.

Bonnie stood behind the van, under the watchful eye of Ed while Justine and the short man with the greasy hair went up to the door of the motel room.

A knock on the door brought out Ed's third man, "Geez, these kids are doing nothing but crying."

Justine got a whiff of the room, "Have you changed them?" she demanded.

"Changed?"

"They're toddlers, they need their diapers changed. You're helpless."

"Are they okay?" 'Shego' yelled.

"They're fine," 'Kim' called. "Don't worry about me." _"I just don't want anyone to hurt me or the kids. Or Bonnie."_

"Okay, let's roll," 'Shego' told Ed -- desperately hoping that a single guard would be left on the kids and Justine. She still didn't realize she had forgotten her wire, and Ron was worried sick.

"Are you sure you have them on your screen," He demanded of Drakken for the seventeenth time in six minutes.

"Ooops, I seem to have lost them."

"WHAT!!!"

"Oh, this is even more fun that forgetting your name. Of course I'm following them. Look, I don't know quite how to ask this. He kidnapped Shego's kids… But he's still family. Try to not hurt him."

Ron thought for a minute. He really wanted to hurt Ed for taking the twins. Ron took that crime more personally that if Ed had attacked him. Ron even suspected that Drakken was somehow involved in Ed knowing about the twins, but the Doc was doing his best in the rescue… "Look, I don't know how much I can promise. But I'm sure not trying to hurt him. I really think I'm saving him a world of pain. Don't you think he's going to be safer in jail than he will be if Kim or Shego get their hands on him?"

Back at the motel the crying twins got their first look at 'Kim'.

"Mommy?" Kasy asked.

Sheki appeared to stare more closely, "Justy." But Justine was still a welcome face and the two ran to her.

"Get a towel, spread it on the bed. I have the change the girls," 'Kim' ordered.

"I don't take orders from you."

"Fine, would you rather change the diapers yourself, here's the bag, or would you rather just let them cry and stink?"

While he got a towel from the bathroom Justine arranged what she needed. She had less practice than the other residents of Casa Possible, but everyone in the big house had experience.

Sheki went onto the towel first; Justine quickly stripped off the outer clothes and unsnapped the onesie. "How long has she been like this?" the thin woman demanded.

"How should I know," he groused. "I got here as the same time as you."

"Well throw this away and give me the baby wipes." She tried handing him the old diaper, but he turned green and refused to touch it. Justine shook her head, rolled up the diaper and sealed it with the tape. "Throw it away, I need to wipe her butt, and she'll probably need ointment after sitting in that wet diaper for a couple hours."

"Uh, I'll let you take care of that yourself. I'm going outside for a smoke." He hoped that by the time he was done the kids would be in fresh diapers.

Felix and Monique were monitoring the conversation. "What do you think?" he asked.

"I think we're going to pull up to the room beside theirs, I'm going to pretend it's our room, but I'm going to see him and ask for a cigarette first. He shouldn't be expecting anything and he won't know what hit him."

Justine was finishing up on Kasy when she heard Monique yelling, "It worked! It worked!" She opened the door to the room and found Monique jumping up and down beside the man assigned to guard 'Kim'. "I did it! I did it!"

"Calm down," Justine told her. "Has Felix called the police?"

"They're on their way."

"Good, then let's give the sippy cups to the girls."

"God, I hope it goes this smoothly for Ron and Bonnie."

But it was not going to go as well for Ron. He kept a distance of two or three blocks between the Volvo and the van, fighting the urge to keep asking Drakken for reassurance that he was able to track the van.

Bonnie kept talking, to let the others she believed were listening know what was going on.

"And coming up on our right we have the Middleton Mall, home of--"

"They got a Planet Tool there?"

"Uh, no. I think it closed."

"Sears? Craftsmen are good tools."

"Oh yeah, biggest Sears in the tri-city area."

Ed spoke to the driver, "We'll need to come back check out the tools, man. I got to rebuilt my kit."

"Why don't you stop now?" Bonnie suggested.

"Two reasons, babe. First, I don't plan to pay for the tools--"

"Well, duh, if you locate what you want now they'll be a lot faster to find at two in the morning."

"You're all right, Dudette. But the second reason is I don't want you screaming for the cops."

"Oh, pah-lease, why would I want them?"

"You're really not going to scream?"

"Not in the store," she leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "maybe later." Then, in a normal tone she continued, "Let me come in with you. Maybe I can see something I want."

"Well, okay…"

"Hey, there's a spot," Bonnie yelled to the driver, "go into the lot, NOW!"

The van drew angry honks as it pulled across a lane of traffic, into the lot, and screeched into an open spot and the driver switched off the ignition. "Okay, let's head for tools," Ed addressed the two men with him.

"We don't need them with us, do we?" 'Shego' purred.

"They're my buds."

"It will look more natural if we just go in together."

"Uh, hey, guys. Just stay here. I'm goin' in with the babe to scope things out."

The two henchmen grumbled, but stayed in the van.

"It looks like tools in the back," Ed told 'Shego' as he looked around when they got in the store.

"Oh, wait, can we go by major appliances first?"

"Whoa, babe, I'm not talking about setting up house."

"You like tools," Bonnie pouted, "I like major appliances. I like things that are big, strong, and built to last." She ran her fingernails up his arm. "Look at major appliances with me now and I'll check out your major appliance later."

Bonnie was glad she wasn't wearing her own face as Ed dropped to his knees and performed an extended air guitar solo in the aisle at Sears.

Ron found a parking spot for the Volvo and sauntered over to the panel truck. "Hey, guys, remember me?"

"Get lost," one of them told him.

"Oh, c'mon, you ought to remember me. It's basic side-kick courtesy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Kim Possible and I stopped you a few years ago and got you thrown in jail. You've really forgotten that?"

"You're the blond kid?"

"Yeah, that's me. Where are Ed and Shego?"

"Oh, we don't need them," one man grinned at the other. "I think the two of us would like to thank you for what you did for us."

Ron leaned back against a parked Chevy and let the two get out and move towards him. For these two he didn't even the Mystical Monkey Power. Unfortunately he felt like he ought to wait for the police after knocking them unconscious. And unfortunately the police insisted he explain why he called them when what Ron wanted to do was go into the store and find Bonnie. He was trying to explain the why he needed to leave when an officer's radio crackled into life, "Ten-ten, fight in progress. Sears store on--"

Ron didn't wait to hear the rest; he was running to the entrance, an officer in active pursuit.

---

After his air guitar solo had ended an embarrassed 'Shego' helped Ed to his feet. "Come on, I want to look at refrigerators."

It took a couple minutes to find the major appliance section, but Bonnie stood in awe at the long line of machines. So many choices… Which was perfect for the job she had in mind?

"Can you hurry it up?" Ed grumbled as Bonnie went from one 'fridge to another, tapping on the exterior to get a sense of how heavy the sheet metal was.

"I want a man's opinion on the quality of these two," Shego called. "Can you give me some help?"

"Sure babe, what do you need?"

"I like the stainless steel exterior on this one. It looks really rugged. On the other hand, the finish on this is so high gloss you can see yourself in the reflection."

"Stainless is better."

"Can you look closely at this other one. Notice how you can see yourself?"

"No, can't say that I do."

"You need to get closer," 'Shego' told him. "Get a lot closer."

Ed was a big man. Bonnie had to introduce him to Mr. Refrigerator many times before he finally went down and showed no indications of wanting to get up. Sears was definitely going to have to move that floor sample over to clearance as 'scratch and dent', seriously. Panting, Bonnie looked around her, "Has anyone called the police?" she demanded.

"Uh, yes," a store clerk confessed.

"Good, he's guilty of kidnapping and I don't know what else."

She was still standing over the fallen Ed when Ron came running up, "Are you all right? Did he hit you in the eye?"

"Shut up, Ron," Bonnie grunted, grabbing him and pressing her lips to his.

Ron wondered what in the world was happening for a few seconds. Bonnie must have been terrified and this was the feeling of relief to know that she was safe. Then he put his arms around her, holding her tight, returning the kiss, as they tasted her other's mouths the blood slowly drained from his brain for portions of his anatomy farther south. He was in real danger of forgetting where he was and risked being banned for shopping from Sears when she suddenly pushed him away.

"Thanks, Ron. I needed that."

"Wha? Needed huh?" Ron asked in a daze, wanting to draw her back into his arms.

"Justine kissed me. I needed to know I wasn't a lesbian."

"Justine? You? Come here," Ron reached for her, "let me show you want I think."

"No," she smiled. "Your reaction was perfectly normal. Are the twins are okay? What happened?"

"Felix says the twins are doing wonderful. They're probably home now. What happened to your eye? Did he hit you?"

"Not on purpose. He was sort of thrashing around while I was beating him against the 'fridge."

"I hope you don't have a black eye for the wedding."

The police arrived to take Motor Ed into custody before Bonnie could respond.

Ron's cell phone rang while they were talking with the police. "Are you and Bonnie okay?" Felix asked. "I left Justine and the girls at your place."

"We're fine. Bonnie took out Motor Ed all by herself."

"Sweet."

"Where' Monique?"

"She went downtown with the police to file charges. I'm on my way to get her. Where are you?"

"Sears, the appliance department. Ed looks like she dropped a refrigerator on him."

"Cool, I'm about three blocks from there. Which door are you parked by?"

"South entrance."

"Great, I'll see you when you get out. 'Nique is probably not done downtown yet."

They headed over to Felix's van, parked in a handicapped spot as soon as they were out the door.

"How are the girls?" Bonnie demanded as soon as she got to his open window.

"They're fine. They're asking for you though. I think they're worried about you."

Bonnie laughed. "Those two are great. C'mon Ron, let's go home."

Felix caught Ron's eye, "Is everything really okay?"

"Yeah, I think he clipped Bonnie in the eye just a little. She may need some makeup to cover it up for the wedding." Ron suddenly realized Felix was staring intensely at him. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"This is weird, but you and Justine are both looking kind of green around the mouth. Have you been kissing Justine? Is it contagious?"

"Uh, I think you get it from kissing Bonnie."

Bonnie hit him, "Take me home. Now."

"See ya' back at the house," Ron promised.

Drakken was at the house, cuddling Sheki while Justine held Kasy. "I just wanted to make sure Shego's girls were okay," he told them before leaving.

It was several hours later when Anne Possible dropped off Kim. By that time the twins had calmed down and when Kim got into the house she found everyone in the living room with several pizza boxes and a couple small bowls of baby food scattered around. Bonnie was on the couch, with an ice bag on one eye and Kasy curled up on her lap.

"It looks like you had a party without me," the red head complained.

"Trust me, Kim," Justine told her, "It was no party. I walked a mile in your shoes today and my feet are killing me."

"Are those my clothes?"

"Yeah, I haven't changed."

"Were you and Felix doing something kinky or-- Wait, don't tell me. I don't want to hear about it."

"I know you don't want to hear about it," Ron told her. "But you have to hear about it. The girls were kidnapped by Motor Ed--"

"WHAT!"

"Look, they're here now and they're fine." Felix assured her. "Now grab a slice and listen to the story. Bonnie is a hero."

"Bonnie?"

"Yeah," the man in the wheelchair continued. Kim stared at Bonnie, who waved back. "Justine too -- and Monique. Ed wanted to talk with Shego and figured grabbing the twins was the best way to get her attention."

"I'll kill him. I swear, I'll kill him."

"Cool the jets KP, Bonnie already did a number on him. Now grab a slice and sit or no one will tell you any more."

"Okay," Kim agreed reluctantly. "Is there any pepperoni left?"

"Girl, it's all pepperoni and sausage tonight," Monique told her. "With Shego gone we are doing serious damage to the pig population."

"Does she get the G rated version or the one with the osculation?" Justine asked.

"Without," Bonnie snapped. "You don't want to go there."

"Not the way you kiss, that's for sure."

_"I beg to differ,"_ Ron thought to himself.

Kim had no idea what they were talking about, but listened in wonder as they recounted the tale.

---

As the story came to a close Kim asked, "Has anyone called Shego?"

"No. We tried, but your brothers said she's at the library. They say she's really booking it."

"Well, let me try. I don't know what to say guys. I just… Thanks. You're the best."

Kim left to make the call to her parents' home. She had a stroke of luck when Joss answered. "Is Shego there?"

"Yeah, she just came in. Let me--"

"No, before you call her I have to ask a favor of you first."

"What is it?"

Kim took a deep breath, "You know how hard I argued with you to get you to agree to stand up with me at the wedding?"

"Yeah, I jus' know Poppa and Momma are gonna be mad at me when they hear 'bout it."

"I feel bad, but after spending so much time trying to talk you into it, would you feel bad if I asked someone else?"

"Really? Ta be honest with ya I'd probably be more relieved than anythin' else."

"Not angry at all?"

"Honest."

"Thanks Joss, you're great. Now, if you could get Shego I'd appreciate it."

"Sure thing."

Part way through the story Shego interrupted Kim with, "I'll kill him. I swear, I'll kill him."

"Oh, that's scary."

"What, that I'd threaten to kill someone for hurting the girls?"

"No, that we're starting to think alike. I said the same thing."

As she finished the tale Kim told the older woman, "I've asked if Joss will give up her place in the wedding party."

"You're going to tell me who you want to bring in, or is this a test to see if we really are thinking alike?"

"Do I need to tell you?"

"No, I'll bet you don't. See you on February fourteenth."


	6. Chapter 6 The Night Before

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

(I didn't write the companion piece for this chapter, the party that Monique and Bonnie threw Kim. It was rather low key, different characters talked about what they wanted from their lives. Bonnie and Kim made peace.)

**Chapter 6 - There's Got to Be a Night Before**

"Ron, did I hear that you and the Wegos are taking Shego out tonight for a bachelor party?"

"Yeah, we thought it might be fun."

"You're my best friend in the world, but here's a little word of advice. If you get her too drunk for the ceremony tomorrow I'll kill you."

"That's a little harsh, KP. How about you just never speak to me for the rest of my life?"

"The rest of your life will be until two in the afternoon tomorrow if she is too hung over for the wedding."

"Work with me, KP. There has to be some sort of compromise possible if an accident happens."

"Compromise? You want a compromise? How about we compromise and I leave you in a condition where you'll never get to enjoy your own honeymoon or have kids?"

"I'll do my best, Kim. But remember, the Wegos outnumber me and Shego is a grown woman who can make her own decisions."

Ron drove over the Possibles' home to get Shego, then swung by the motel where the O'Ceallaigh family was staying for the Wegos. "You're sure you don't want to come with us?" Ron asked Hego.

Will crossed his fingers, hoping that his brother wouldn't change his mind and prove a wet blanket on the evening's festivities. "No thanks," the big man responded. "Early to bed, early to rise."

"Where are we going," Shego asked as they got back into the car.

"I was looking in the Yellow Pages, I found a place called The Satin Doll, it--"

Ron groaned, "It's probably the biggest dive in town. I mean, I've never actually been there, but that's the reputation it has. You really want to take your sister to a place like that?"

"Hell yes," Will said, "their ad promised the biggest boobs in town--"

"And that's where you want to take Sharon?" Ed asked.

"That's where I want to go. She's just my excuse."

"We could outvote him," Ed suggested to Ron.

"That's okay," Ron said. "I really don't have another suggestion. I don't go to places like that."

Shego laughed, "It would be funny if we walked in and everyone shouted, 'Hey, Ron!'"

"You found this place real easy," Will mentioned to Ron as he parked the car fifteen minutes later.

"I didn't say I didn't know where it is. Every guy in town knows where it is. I just said I've never been inside. It's one of those places you dream about visiting when you hit puberty. You start riding your bike by it in jr. high, hoping you're going to see something, but you never do. In high school you lie to your friends and say you've been inside. By the time you're old enough to go there you're too smart to."

Ed laughed, "I don't think Will is ever going to be that smart."

The combination of bouncer and doorman looked at Shego with some suspicion when the four got up to the door. "No soliciting on the premises," he warned her.

He suddenly found himself surrounded by a hostile crowd. "Our sister is getting married tomorrow," one young man told him.

"We're taking her out to embarrass her," said another.

"But that's our job," said a third.

"One more comment like that," warned a fourth.

"And your insurance is not even going to begin to cover the damages," threatened a fifth.

The crowd disappeared as he waved them inside and he wondered if his imagination was working overtime. Once inside Will wanted a table by the 'action' but the other three overruled him and found a table towards the edge of the room

"C'mon, Sis, you got to at least sit where you can see the stage," Will insisted.

"Really, that's all right," she demurred.

"But we know you like girls," he teased.

She smiled slightly, "Yeah, but women are smarter than guys. You get turned on by just looking. Women want something more than just looks. Speaking of which, I hope you're not counting on yours."

"Ouch! That hurt," Ed complained.

"Oh, I know you're not relying just on your looks, such as they are," Shego assured him. "And it turns out Stoppable here is a perfect man."

Ron blushed; fortunately the subject changed quickly as Will called a waitress over and ordered the first round.

Before the first round was gone Shego told the three men she needed to go to the bathroom as an excuse to stop at the bar. Based on the suggestions called out to her as she walked across the room she wondered how the waitresses handled it. She caught the bartender's attention and pointed to her table, "I'm driving. I'll be ordering Hawaiian slings, that's half Seven-Up and half pineapple juice with an orange twist and a cherry." She handed him a five, "You got that?"

"You'll get the DDS," he assured her.

"DDS?"

"Designated driver special."

"You got a relative named Monique at the U?"

Shego feared that her plan had hit the fan on round three when Ed, noticing her second round drink, ordered a round of Hawaiian slings for the table. When the waitress returned she gave Shego the glass with two cherries and a wink. Shego expected her brothers to comment on the subterfuge, but they said nothing.

Half way through another round even the normally reserved Ed joined with Will in staring hard at the strippers and joining in lewd comments.

One of the headliners was performing, although she could have had a brown paper bag over her head and no one in the audience would have noticed.

"Do you think they're real?" Ed asked.

"Just as real as the tooth fairy and Santa Claus," Shego assured him, wondering how the woman managed to stand up with her center of gravity so out of place.

Will didn't care if they were real or not. He simply let his jaw muscles relax and was staring with his mouth hanging open. He vaguely wondered if he could borrow enough from Ed and Ron to get a lap dance.

Shego left the table for a minute to speak with the bartender, "What in the hell is going on?"

"Oh, their slings have a double shot of vodka. Just figured you wanted to keep our little secret."

She smiled and handed him another five, "Now I know you're related to Monique."

Back at the table she noticed that Ron showed no obvious signs of being loaded, he just seemed abnormally quiet.

"I've never seen you drunk before," she finally asked, "are you?"

"Probably," his speech was slower than normal, but not slurred. "Second time in my life, and it feels a lot like the first. Not everyone gets drunk the same. I'm not one of those happy drunks like your brothers. I won't stagger, but my reflexes are probably shot. And I just get quiet and depressed. How in the hell do you get drunk? You seem perfectly normal."

"I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Like you say, some people handle it differently from others. You want to talk about why you're depressed? Is it the wedding?"

"No. I really want her to be happy. You make her happy. Hell if I know why. She likes girls. That explains a lot. I don't want to see her hurt. You do something to her like what happened to Zita and I'll hunt you down and hurt you."

"You really are a good man, Ron. If I ever pull a stunt like that on Kim I'll help hold me down so you can hit me, okay?

Ron almost smiled, "Fair enough."

"By the way, what is it you want to do with your life? You could quit school tomorrow and get a job at just about any restaurant in town."

"Too much stress. Do you know the hours you have to work as a chef? Most of them end up divorced -- they never get to see their families."

"So, go into Global Justice with Kim?"

"I don't think so. That's her thing. Domestication is sounding good to me. It's done wonders for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't see that old sarcastic edge so often. You seem happy."

"Yeah. I am happy. So you think Kim domesticated me?"

"Yep."

Shego smiled, "You could be right. Hey, I've also suggested you become a masseuse. And you'd made a great assassin. No one can remember you name. If you're interested I have contacts."

"Pass. I didn't know you had contacts. I thought you just had reading glasses."

She put her hand down on top of his, and gave it a little squeeze. "God, Stoppable, if you were a few years older, or I was a few years younger, and I didn't know Kim, I'd fall in love with you myself."

"Now I know you're drunk."

"No, just honest. You can make me laugh. I like that."

"Timing, the timing is everything."

"In telling a joke?"

"In life. Does Kim make you laugh?"

"Yeah…" Shego wasn't sure where this was going.

"Well, you can tell her you make her laugh before you make love, after you make love is a bad idea."

Shego smiled, "You're going to make some woman very happy… Can I ask what happened with you and Yori? Kim felt like you two were perfect for each other."

Ron stared off into space for a minute. When depressed Ron got honest. He told Shego more of his time with Yori than he'd ever told Kim. And somehow, as he talked about Yori, Bonnie kept creeping in to the story.

While they were talking Will managed to borrow enough money from Ed for a lap dance and wandered off to arrange it. What Will hadn't warned Ed was that he didn't want the dancer for himself. He considered having Shego as the lucky recipient, then decided it would be even funnier if Ed had the honors.

As the young woman came toward their table Will leaned over and warned Ed, "You aren' allow to touch."

"Whatta mean?"

"I mean, trea' the lady wi' some respect."

"Wha' lady?"

Will pointed to Ed, and the 'performer' began her 'act'. Apparently she took exception to the fact Ron and Shego essentially ignored her, continuing their conversation as if nothing was happening. She determined to put on a show that would focus everyone's attention on her. Ed sat, frozen in a combination of the fear of what was happening and that it might stop. Will watched in amazement. He'd never gotten that kind of performance before, and was regretting putting his own money in for Ed's entertainment.

"Oh, hell!" the woman said, standing up and stalking off.

"What's wrong?" Ron asked.

Will doubled over with laughter. "Ed passed out. The most excitin' momen' of his life and he passed out. I thin' he lost his innocence with his clothes still on."

Shego sighed. With any luck neither Will nor Ed would remember this tomorrow. She just hoped they'd be able to stand up with her, at the moment neither seemed capable standing at all.

---

The officer was parked about half a block from the club. It was always a good place to catch a DUI after it closed. A group of four emerged, staggering, from the club about one. The two who seemed in better condition helped the two having more trouble navigating into the back seat, and then they got in to the front. He waited until they pulled out onto the street, then turned on his own engine and followed. There were no obvious problems with the driving, but he put on the flashers and the car pulled over to the curb. When he walked back the driver, a woman, had the window rolled down.

"Is there a problem officer?"

"I hope not. I just noticed the group of you had a little trouble walking out back there and wanted to see what sort of shape you were in."

The officer shone a flashlight into the car. The Wegos were unconscious in the back seat, snoring loudly. Ron closed his eyes against the glare. _"I'm dead. They arrest Shego for drunk driving and Kim will kill me."_

Shego smiled sweetly, "No problem officer. I planned on being designated driver so I didn't have much. I just had some trouble walking with my brother leaning on me."

"So you wouldn't mind blowing into the little tube?"

_"Dead, dead, dead,"_ Ron thought to himself.

The officer went back to the squad care for the breathalyzer. He studied the results after Shego had blown into the machine. "Point zero, zero, seven. You're sober."

"Thanks, I think you're doing a wonderful job."

"Drive safely," he yelled and waved as Shego pulled back into traffic and headed to the motel where her brothers were registered.

"What in the world just happened?" Ron demanded when they were back on the road.

"I was nice to a cop. I figure I haven't been on probation very long so I need the practice."

"No, I mean how did you pass the breath test? I had two of those things you were drinking. If I tried to fall down now I think I'd miss the floor. How did you do that?"

Shego laughed, "A good magician never reveals her secrets."

By the time she reached the motel Ron was asleep and snoring. The twins were in a room with Hego, and she pounded on the door until he got up and helped her carry them in.

The big man looked nervous as Shego prepared to leave. "Sis? I… I guess there's no good way to say this. I'd rather not help hold the canopy thing for you tomorrow."

"What?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I just don't feel right about it."

"You self-righteous piece of… " Shego fought to suppress her anger, "I'm sorry. I really counted on you. You can't do it for me?"

"I can't. I'll go to the ceremony. I'll dance with you afterward, if you'll let me. But I can't have any part in the ceremony. I just don't think it's right."

"But you told me--"

"I thought I could. I was going to try. But I just can't."

She gave him something of a bitter half smile, "Well, at least you're here."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

Shego went back to the car, thinking hard. Kim had asked Tim and Jim to serve as two of the canopy bearers. She had asked Mego and Hego to serve, but Mego had passed on attending. She couldn't completely blame him; she hadn't gone to his wedding. Drakken had been delighted to accept the honor. She wondered who she could ask at the last minute to replace Hego. Wade might make a good choice, either Betty Director, Judge Armstrong or Mustapha Kemal would be a hoot if they made it, Joss would be good -- and the smaller role in the ceremony would make it less likely her mom and dad would be upset. Despite her frustration with Henry she could actually smile, it was good to have friends you could call on.

As she drove to the Possibles' home she looked back on the night. This was Will's idea of fun? Watching videos with Kim and twins on New Year's Eve was more fun than this. Ron was right; Kim had domesticated her. She thought for a minute how domesticated animals had a better life than their wild cousins. Until they were sent to the slaughterhouse, of course. Not a comforting thought on the night before your wedding.


	7. Chapter 7 I Thee Wed

Rachel Adler, a professor at Hebrew Union College in LA wrote the B'rit Ahuvim/Ahuvot Lovers' Covenant. It was published in _Engendering Judaism_, Beacon Press, 1998. While it was not originally written for a same sex union she has allowed it to be used for that purpose. Whether it is acceptable to call a wedding contract with non-traditional language a ketubah or not remains a debate I won't deal with in the context of a fanfiction.

**Chapter 7 - I Thee Wed**

Ron woke up on the Possible's couch with a medium-sized headache. He hadn't tried to keep up with Shego and her brothers. He couldn't figure out how she had beat the breathalyzer test, it might have something to do with her comet powers, but that sure hadn't helped the Wegos. Ron suspected that his headache was nothing compared with what those two were probably experiencing.

He made enough noise moving around that Kim's mom popped her head into the living room, "Are you alright, Ron? Shego said you were in no condition to drive back to the house last night."

"I'm sure she was right," he groaned.

"Well, we're almost ready for breakfast. Do you want to eat in five minutes?"

"Sounds great, Mrs. Dr. P."

When he went into the kitchen Ron noticed that Joss seemed a little too happy to see him. He told himself that Bonnie had just been trying to throw off his game on Thanksgiving and Joss wasn't interested in him, but the symptoms seemed to indicate Bonnie had told the truth.

Ron sat down at the table for breakfast. He was drinking orange juice when Shego walked in, wearing an old bathrobe.

"Do you want breakfast?" Anne asked.

"I think I'll pass. I'm not sure why the old rabbis said don't eat before the wedding, but I'm afraid I'd throw up if I tried to eat anything."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Ron teased.

"God, I hope not." Shego kissed Ron on top of the head, "You were great last night, Tiger."

"WHAT!" Anne looked livid and Joss was blushing bright red.

"Tell them you're joking!" Ron shouted, "Tell them you're joking!"

Anne managed to calm herself down. "I'm not sure I always appreciate Shego's sense of humor. You may be something of an acquired taste," she told the pale woman.

"I am sorry, Anne. I'm just so nervous I don't know what to do. I wanted to break the tension."

"That's fine, dear. But I'm afraid you may be a carrier and you were just spreading it around."

The pale woman suddenly realized that she was not the only one who might have problems with nerves today. She wondered how Kim was doing and suppressed the urge to call.

While the others ate breakfast Shego took a long shower to kill time, then went on to nervous pacing. Ron was anxious to get home and work on the reception, however, so they left after she hurriedly packed the clothing she had taken over to the Possibles.

On the drive over Shego had to ask, "Being nervous is normal, right?"

"I haven't been married before. That's what I hear."

"Is this really a good idea? Am I going to screw up Kim's life?"

"It's a little too late to be thinking about that now. The question is, do you love her."

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, she loves you. You're both too competitive. Neither one of you listens well when someone disagrees with you. And you're both so damn independent you have no business inflicting yourself on another person. But if you don't kill each other in the next couple years you've probably found the only person capable of understanding you."

"Sounds like you understand us pretty well."

"Yeah, but I'm not planning on spending the rest of my life with you two."

When Ron pulled up to the garage he put a hand on Shego's arm to prevent her from leaving immediately, "Hold on, got to make sure things are clear." He pulled out a walkie-talkie, "It was Monique's idea, she's watching Kim." He hit the switch, "Holmes to Moriarity, I have Shego outside the house. Permission to come aboard?"

A minute later Will Du's voice came back, "Moriarity to Holmes, Watson confirms that Kim is in her room. Where do you wish to deposit your charge?"

"We're using my room for her and her attendants. Are the O'Ceallaighs there yet?"

"Negative, Holmes, but expected soon."

"Are we clear for the back door?"

"You may proceed."

"What the hell is this all about?" Shego asked.

"You aren't supposed to see Kim before the ceremony, right?"

"So Bonnie and her obsessive compulsive disorder were put in charge of making sure of that?"

"No, actually Kim asked Monique. And Monique takes weddings seriously. And she asked Will to supervise the effort. And he takes everything seriously. I'm not sure, but I think the man starches his underwear."

Shego shook her head, "And Monique said she didn't want the wedding to get too weird."

"Hurry up, I don't know what are window of opportunity is for getting inside. If you don't go now we might have to get permission again."

Someone had been busy in Ron's room. His futon was rolled and over to the side and Shego's black silk outfit was folded over a chair. "I'll let you dress," Ron told her. "I'll be downstairs working on reception, holler if you need me."

"Where are you and Wegos going to dress?"

"What, we can't dress in front of you?"

"Come to think about it, I helped mom change their diapers. But seriously?"

"Seriously we should have one of the other bedrooms. I'm thinking Monique or Justine will give us hers."

Shego changed and tried to kill time by reading a textbook. After about twenty minutes she realized she had been going over the same page repeatedly and had no idea what it said. Fortunately a knock came on the door a few minutes later.

"Are you decent?" Monique asked.

"Who, me? Surely you jest."

"Okay, are you dressed?"

"Sure, come in."

---

Ron had planned for an earlier start in the morning, and was working like crazy to get the formal dining room organized for the party. The slight headache didn't help. He had the tables, chairs, plates and everything but the food arranged the way he wanted and had just got back to the kitchen to call and find out what was happening with the cake when Bonnie came in, obviously upset.

"Ron, I was just reading about Jewish weddings online."

"I thought you were the one who always got her homework done early."

"It's not homework. And the article said that men only dance with men, and women only dance with women."

"Sure, didn't you know that?"

Bonnie's scream brought Monique running down the back stairs from Ron's room. Shego had started out also, but Monique pushed her back, "You stay here. You don't see Kim before the ceremony."

"What's wrong?" the black woman demanded when she got into the kitchen.

Ron was rubbing his temples, Bonnie's scream had not been good for his headache, "I, uh, was playing with Bonnie's head."

"How?"

"Well, she seems to have looked up some website that talked about Jewish weddings and it described some Hasidic or traditional Orthodox --"

"Provide a translation for the Christian, please."

"There are several branches of Judaism. It used to be that men and women didn't dance together, it was men with men and women with women--"

"Don't tell me you told Bonnie things like that still happen."

"Well, that's still the way the Hasids - the ultra-Orthodox - and traditional Orthodox do it. But the modern Orthodox, Conservatives, Reform, and Reconstructionist Jews all have men and women dancing together. It's not my fault Bonnie believes everything she reads on the web."

Monique counted to ten to suppress the urge to throttle Ron, "Go upstairs and explain that to her right this minute, before she climbs out a window and runs away from home."

"I've got work to do."

"I'll help you, Will will help you. But there has been too much work in this wedding to let you mess it up by scaring Bonnie."

"Okay, okay," Ron grumbled and reluctantly left the kitchen. He felt like Bonnie had been teasing him at Sears and he had wanted some payback.

He was able to get Bonnie calmed down by the time the cake arrived.

Because of his late start Ron was starting to panic, fortunately other residents of the house, friends, and guests pitched in to help and eventually he was feeling confident. He felt like he was neglecting Shego, but fortunately her family arrived while he was working and her mom had gone directly to Ron's room to be with her. Ron drafted Shego's father for the job of chief of coffee. Hego and the Wegos were put to work carrying the rental chairs upstairs and setting them up in the loft under the supervision of Will Du.

---

Kim herself was enjoying something of a preternatural calm. After the late night talk session with the other women she had actually been able to sleep in late. While she felt no religious obligation to fast before the ceremony she did so anyway, more to share the experience with Shego than for any other reason. She spent time playing with the twins. Shego had once referred to them as a permanent reminder of a temporary madness. Kim could understand the feeling, but knew that Shego was every bit as devoted to the girls as she was. If they had been a little older she would have used them as flower girls -- although that would have created the potentially embarrassing situation of kids who could remember their parents' wedding. Hopefully they'd be the right age when Monique and Justine made their walks down the aisle.

Actually there had been a moment of panic for Kim earlier in the morning over the party Ron and the Wegos threw for Shego. She'd knocked on Ron's door when she got up to ask how things had gone and found he'd never made it home. She'd had a terrible vision of all four of them in the hospital or jail, but when she called home her mother had assured her that Ron was asleep on the couch and Shego was in the guest room.

Now Kim wanted to see Shego, or at least know she was in the house and everything was going fine. Since Monique took her job of keeping the two from seeing each other before the ceremony seriously Kim finally sent the maid of honor over to make sure the other bride-to-be was fine, with strict orders to report back quickly.

While Kim's orders were strict: Monique was to see Shego and return to Kim, Shego was too glad to see the black woman to let her leave as quickly as Kim would like. Kim was starting to worry whether or not Monique had found Shego. While she was waiting for Monique she heard a loud scream from downstairs; she opened her bedroom door and saw Bonnie running into her room and slamming the door.

"What's wrong," Kim asked as she knocked on Bonnie's door.

"GO AWAY!"

"That's not an answer. I'm coming in."

Bonnie had backed into a corner. "You didn't tell me on purpose."

"What are you talking about?"

"That men only dance with men and women only dance with women at Jewish weddings. This was some sort of set up."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I've been to exactly one Jewish wedding. Some cousin of Ron's. Men and women danced together."

"But I was reading online--"

"Online? You believed what you read online?"

Bonnie paused, the web was both a great place for both information and misinformation. Kim continued. "I thought we got a lot of this talked through last night."

Bonnie sighed, "I got some of it resolved on the intellectual level. I still have the gut level reaction."

"Well, you need to get intellectual. I need you for a bride's maid."

"But Ron said--"

"I, uh, need to explain that," Ron interrupted, appearing in the doorway. "Why is everyone picking on me today?" He looked at Kim, "Your mom was going to kill me for sleeping with Shego last night."

"WHAT!"

"It was a joke Shego told your mom. It wasn't very funny. Anyway I--"

"You didn't make it home last night. Why?"

"Shego said I was too drunk to drive. I probably was. Anyway--"

"Too drunk to drive? Wasn't it your job to keep her sober enough for the wedding?"

"Yeah, can I finish groveling to Bonnie before you tear out my liver?"

Kim looked to Bonnie, "Odd or even?"

Bonnie called "Even, count of three." They hit their right fists against their left palms as Bonnie counted, "One… Two… Three!" Bonnie had one finger stuck out, Kim two.

"Okay, Ron," Kim continued. "What happened last night?"

"Well, Will wanted us to go to a titty bar, and Shego was knocking back this drink we'd never heard of, and the Wegos were really getting plastered on them, and then Will paid for a lap dancer--"

"Will got a lap dancer for Shego?" Kim asked.

"Beats what we had for you," Bonnie pointed out.

"I'm guessing it was a woman, right?" Kim demanded of Ron.

"Well, they don't have male strippers at a titty bar. Anyway it was for--"

"I don't want to hear about your night of debauchery. You say Shego was drinking those things too?"

"Oh yeah, she must have had four or five. I had two and a little something else and I was looped."

"So how did you get home?"

"Shego drove."

"In that condition?"

"Yeah, it was weird. When the cop pulled us over--"

"The police stopped you?"

"That's what I just said. You're repeating me a lot, do you know that?"

"You take over, Bonnie. Talking with Ron is making me nervous."

"Okay Ron," the brunette demanded, "Do men and women dance together at Jewish weddings? I want a straight answer."

"Yes, and no."

"You're having as much luck as I did with him," Kim said.

"Men and women didn't dance together in the old days. Some people are still like that. That's how my dad was raised and what he wanted to get away from. I'm sure this isn't going to be like that. And," he took Bonnie's hand and kissed it gallantly, "I beg the favor of a dance this afternoon that I might properly apologize for upsetting you."

Bonnie smiled and nodded.

"Great," Kim warned her, "he's going to apologize by stepping on your toes."

"Uh, if you don't mind, I need to get back to the kitchen. I've got a ton of work to do for the reception and not enough time. Any chance you could help a little?" he asked Bonnie.

She sighed, "Sure. Give me just a minute to calm down and I'll be down to help."

"Is Shego here?" Kim demanded. "I sent Monique to see her and haven't heard back."

"I guess they got talking. 'Nique came into the kitchen when Bonnie screamed."

When she got back to her bedroom Kim discovered she had left the door open and the twins had disappeared. She found them with Monique in Justine's room.

---

The Possibles arrived _en masse_, as did the O'Ceallaigh contingent. The rabbi arrived about noon to make sure everything was prepared. The message table from the entryway found it's way to the top floor to hold the wine and ketubah. The rabbi brought in the poles for the chuppah and looked over Shego's tallis to make certain if was large enough. "Who will be the canopy bearers?" she asked.

"Kim has twin brothers--"

"There are a lot of twins in the family, aren't there?"

"You don't know the half of it," Ron told her. "Anyway, Kim asked her brothers. Shego's brothers, the older ones, were asked to hold the chuppah, but declined. She asked a friend, Drew Lipsky, to be one of her bearers… I'd better check and see if she has the fourth."

"In a minute, please. Are you and Mr. Lipsky the two Jewish witnesses?"

"That's us."

"That's also a little awkward when we have the signing. Maybe we can have someone else hold up his corner for a minute while we do that."

On the floor below, in her bedroom, Kim's mother helped her into the wedding dress. "You look beautiful," she told her daughter.

"Thanks, Mom. Do I get some sort of talk?"

"Talk?"

"Duty to my spouse and all that stuff. What did grandma tell you on your wedding day?" Kim regretted the question as soon as she asked it.

"She said she'd never speak to me again if I went ahead with the wedding." Anne touched her daughter on the nose, "Of course she didn't know that you were on the way. I don't think it would have mattered. You were almost a year old before I heard her speak to me again."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Kim gave her mother a hug.

"So, if I have any advice," Anne told her daughter, "it's never give up on family. I'm going to enjoy my grandkids even if my parents wouldn't enjoy theirs."

At 1:00 Ron and the Wegos wanted to dress, but found no one willing to give up a bedroom and had to use the unfinished library to change. While they were changing the string quartet arrived and Will Du, in full-blown take-charge mode had shown them where to set up in the loft area and explained where they would be playing during the reception on the ground floor.

Around 1:30 the first guests began to trickle in. Dr. Drakken looked semi-professional in a suit. Both Drakken and Felix felt a bit odd on learning they were Shego's choices for canopy bearers. They had always been rather cold towards each other, and the recent arrest of Motor Ed had been a reminder of the theft of the wheelchair. Without speaking they decided the best approach was to remember they were doing it for Shego and try to not speak to the other.

A handful of Legals, including Rina and Mag, who had helped Shego sort through the charges against her, arrived fairly early. While the original plan had always been to keep it small and simple the guest list had eventually grown until around fifty people were expected.

As it drew closer to two Will Du began to get nervous, "What do I do if there are late guests? I can't be upstairs for the wedding and downstairs welcoming people at the same time."

"Oh, we can take care of that," Shego's brother Will assured him, "let us handle the door downstairs."

"But you're in the wedding party."

"We're incredible at multi-tasking," Ed told him. At 1:50 the Wegos told Will Du to go upstairs, that they'd handle the door. When he reached the loft he saw them chatting with the rabbi about their part in the ceremony, and he wasn't sure -- but he thought he saw one of them talking with Bonnie as the bridesmaids asked about their position during the ceremony.

At 1:55 the Rabbi helped the chuppah bearers get the tallis on the poles and raise the canopy over the small table. While they were setting up the rabbi asked Will Du to get Shego.

In the back of the loft Will whispered into his walkie-talkie, "Moriarity speaking. We are ready to begin ceremony here. Status report?"

"Holmes to Moriarity," Ron complained, "we're just as ready as the last five times you asked."

"Watson to Moriarity," Monique spoke into the walkie-talkie, "we are in position. Awaiting processional for Shego."

"Moriarity to the both of you, the rabbi tells me she needs Shego up here for something now. Watson, keep Kim in her room. Holmes, send Shego up here with me."

"I want to thank you all for coming," the rabbi began. "This is an unusual wedding for me, the first time when non-Jews have been the majority. Because of that I've been asked to explain some of what is happening. Sharon and Kim requested a very simple service. They decided to keep some of the traditional elements of the kiddushin, the ceremony of union, but are cutting other traditional elements which they felt suggested one being subservient to the other.  
"Traditionally there would have been separate receptions before the wedding for the friends of the groom and friends of the bride, along with the party afterwards. We like to party. The ketubah, the wedding contract, would have been signed at the groom's party by the groom and two witnesses. The bride's signature was unnecessary. In the traditional ceremony the groom plays a central role, because Sharon is the Jewish partner I have asked her to assume some of the responsibilities of the groom. But she and Kim see themselves as partners. Kim will be signing the ketubah after the service. But we begin with the Jewish partner and the witnesses."

Shego was now standing to one side, and as the rabbi finished speaking the pale woman nodded to Joss, who moved over to take Drakken's place during the signing.

Drakken took out a pen and quickly signed then handed it to Ron. Ron paused for a minute, then chuckled, "That's your Hebrew name?" he whispered.

"And what's wrong with it?" Drakken sniffed. "It's a perfectly good name."

"Oh yeah, that will strike terror in hearts everywhere." Ron noticed that Drakken was staring over his shoulder as Ron signed his name in Hebrew. "Uh, tell you what," the young man suggested. You don't tell anyone my Hebrew name and I won't tell them yours."

"Deal."

The ceremony slowed to a crawl as Shego took the pen and looked at the crib sheet in her hand. The rabbi had told her that Sharon was a perfectly fine Hebrew name, but she had wanted something which sounded more 'Jewish' and Ruth had suggested Shoshana, since Sharon was often connected with the Rose of Sharon and Shoshana was also a flower name. Having embraced the name Shego had gotten ambitious and demanded to know how to write it in Hebrew. Despite a week of practice she had a vague sense of being a kindergartner with crayon in hand once again, just learning how to write her name. She looked at the name when she was finished, it wasn't pretty but it still gave her a sense of accomplishment.

"Go back down, wait for your music," the rabbi whispered and Shego returned to her attendants and parents in Ron's room.

Shego's return was the cue for her attendants to get ready. When the music changed Will led the way upstairs, followed a few seconds later by Ed, then Ron. In the front of the loft the three moved to the left and lined up, waiting for Shego's processional. There was some nervous conversation among the guests, wondering if they should stand for the entrance of both brides. The music from upstairs could be heard in Kim's room. She had insisted the door to the back stairs and her own door be left open so she could hear it better.

"Her attendants are going up," Monique reported. "Will you tell me what you picked for her processional?"

"You should be hearing it any second now," Kim told her.

With Shego's attendants in place Will Du nodded to the quartet who started one of the two strangest processionals they had ever performed for a wedding. In Kim's room Anne and Kim smiled at each other and sang the words as the song played:

_Raven hair and ruby lips  
Sparks fly from her finger tips  
Echoed voices in the night  
She's a restless spirit on an endless flight  
Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how  
High she flies  
Woo hoo witchy woman she got  
The moon in her eye  
She held me spellbound in the night  
Dancing shadows and firelight  
Crazy laughter in another  
Room and she drove herself to madness  
With a silver spoon_

Shego's parent's also laughed as they heard the music. Shego was feeling too nervous to laugh, but she smiled broadly. Kim might have beaten her on the processional. Shego and her parents left Ron's room for the top floor. Then, with her parents on either side of her Shego walked down the aisle. As they came to the front the two each gave her a kiss and sat down with Zita, Tara, and the grandkids. Shego stood, the dark black of the silk and dark green of the shirt making her look deathly pale. She felt out of place and freakish. She remembered the joke Ron had told months earlier, she felt like a frog who had been kissed by a beautiful princess. She knew she'd never be able to read that story to her daughters without remembering this day.

"Wait for our cue," Monique warned Justine and Bonnie. The three were now in position by the door leading to the back stairs. When quartet began a piece by Mozart as the bridesmaids began their ascent to the top floor. Justine, Bonnie, and Monique went to the right as the reached the area in front, presenting the perfect balance Monique had wanted.

Shego stood, fidgeting nervously, as she waited for Kim to appear. With Kim's attendants in position Shego nodded to the quartet, who began a piece of music Shego had sung to Kim in Mexico two years earlier. Kim and everyone at the ceremony smiled and stood, and Shego sang the words in her own mind, changing the gender references in her mind.

_Where have all the good men gone  
And where are all the gods?  
Where's the street-wise Hercules  
To fight the rising odds?  
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?  
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need_

_I need a hero  
I'm holding out for at hero 'till the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong  
And he's gotta be fast  
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

_I need a hero  
I'm holding out for a hero 'till the morning light  
He's gotta be sure  
And it's gotta be soon  
And he's gotta be larger than life  
Larger than life_

Shego's heart was pounding so hard it hurt in her chest as Kim and her parents reached the top of the stairs and began to move forward. The years of feeling like an outcast and freak were over. The most wonderful woman in the world accepted and believed in her. She felt her eyes growing moist and hoped she wasn't going to cry at her own wedding.

Shego reached out her hand when the Possibles reached the front of the loft and Kim took it. The Drs. Possible each gave Kim a kiss and moved over to fight the O'Ceallaighs over possession of the grandchildren.

Kim and Shego smiled at each other, having not seen the other in a week. The two had coordinated heel height so they were exactly on the same level. They agreed it was important to officially start life together seeing eye-to-eye, even if it was the last day that was true. They then turned to face the rabbi.

Drakken, Ron, and his parents were the only ones with a clue as the rabbi blessed the wine and Kim and Shego each took a sip.

She then addressed the guests, "Sharon and Kim have chosen a contemporary version of the wedding contract, it is adapted from The Lovers' Covenant by Rachel Adler, a feminist theologian. It is on their ketubah in both Hebrew and English."

The rabbi began reading the English version, starting with the preamble, "On this, the fourteenth day of the month of February in the year…"

Shego turned and whispered in Kim's ear, "I figured out why you're marrying me."

Kim raised an eyebrow and Shego continued, "You spent all those years trying to capture me and failing. So you decided to make sure I couldn't get away from you."

Kim leaned over and whispered in Shego's ear, "You are so full of yourself," then put a finger to her lips to remind the older woman to remain silent.

"… This agreement into which Sharon and Kim are entering is a holy convenant like the ancient covenants of our people, made in faithfulness and peace to stand forever. It is a covenant of protection and hope like the covenant God swore to Noah and his descendants, saying,  
"When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures, all flesh that is on earth. That," God said to Noah, "shall be the sign of the covenant that I have established between me and all flesh.  
"It is a covenant of distinction, like the covenant God made with Israel, saying: You shall be my people, and I shall be your God.  
"It is a covenant of devotion, joining hearts like the covenant David and Jonathan made, as it is said:  
"And Jonathan's soul was bound up with the soul of David. Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.  
"It is a covenant of mutual loving kindness like the wedding covenant between God and Zion, as it is said,  
"I will espouse you forever. I will espouse you with righteousness and justice and loving kindness and compassion. I will espouse you in faithfulness and you shall know God.  
"The following are the provisions of the lovers' covenant into which the couple now enter:  
"Sharon and Kim declare that they have chosen each other as companions.  
"Sharon and Kim declare that they are setting themselves apart for each other and will take no other lover. Sharon and Kim hereby assume all the rights and obligations that apply to family members: to attend, care, and provide for one another  
"Sharon and Kim commit themselves to a life of kindness and righteousness as a family and to work together toward the communal task of mending the world. Sharon and Kim pledge that one will help the other at the time of dying, by carrying out the last rational requests of the dying partner, protecting each other from indignity or abandonment and by tender, faithful presence with the beloved until the end, fulfilling what has been written:  
"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is stronger than death."  
"And to this covenant we affix our signatures."

"The ring for Kim," the rabbi whispered to Ron, who produced it and handed it to Shego. "Repeat after me," she instructed the pale woman, " Behold you are sanctified to me with this ring, according to the Law of Moses and Israel."

Shego repeated the words as she slipped the gold band on Kim's finger.

The rabbi turned to Monique, "Sharon's ring?"

Monique took the bouquet of flowers from Kim as she handed her a ring.

"Please repeat after me, I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

Kim looked in Shego's eyes as she slipped the ring on, " I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

The rabbi addressed the guests, "You need to bear with me as I recite the Sheva Brachos, the seven blessings."

Only Ron's dad could follow the rabbi as she gave the blessings. For some odd reason it made him think he should call his mother when he got home. He owed her a long talk, it had been months since they spoke."

At the end of the blessings the cup of wine was again offered to Kim and Shego, who again each took a sip. She had warned ahead of time to finish it, which the pale woman did.

"Why Jews break a glass at the end of the wedding ceremony isn't clearly known," the rabbi explained as she wrapped the wine glass in a heavy towel and handed it to Shego. "If you want I can explain some of the theories to you at the seudah, the reception, downstairs."

Shego put the towel down on the floor and stomped down on it, hard, bringing the satisfying sound of breaking glass and cheers of "Mazel Tov!" from Drakken, the Stoppables, and the rabbi.

Kim leaned over and whispered, "That's the last time you get to put your foot down."

There was a brief pause as the couple wondered if there was something they had missed, "You can kiss her if you want," the rabbi whispered to them.

Shego's hand was shaking as she raised it to lift the veil. "You never shook like that when you were trying to hit me," Kim teased.

"Hitting you is easier than living with you," the pale woman responded.

The veil out of the way they stared into each other's eyes for a moment, wondering how the two of them could have ever come together. And then soft lips met. They had meant for a short, innocent kiss, but the feel of her lover's lips against her own after a week apart proved overpowering to good intentions. They had no idea how long the kiss lasted before the rabbi coughed politely. "I think that's enough for now."

The two looked up, startled, as most of their friends and family applauded. Shego noticed that Hego looked distinctly uncomfortable and she thought of kissing Kim again, but realized her father didn't look comfortable either and decided to forego the pleasure. Instead she caught the eyes of the bearded professor on the cello and gave him a nod for the recessional. The rabbi sighed and Kim giggled as the quartet began the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah and Kim and Shego walked, arm in arm, down the aisle to the back of the loft and then down the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8 Reception

**Chapter 8 - Reception**

After Kim and Shego's exit Ron and Monique joined arms and followed, then Ed and Bonnie, and Will and Justine. As the attendants headed downstairs Will Du announced, "The reception is being held downstairs," and guests began to leave as the rabbi helped the canopy bearers take down the chuppah. By the time she folded Shego's tallis and put it away the quartet was preparing to move downstairs.

"Great ceremony, Ruth," one of the professors said.

"Thanks, you guys did a wonderful job. This must be one of the more eclectic wedding selections you've performed."

"I'm not sure. You wouldn't believe what we've been asked to do at some weddings. Oh, did you recommend us for this gig?"

"No, Sharon found you all by herself."

There was no reception line, or sign of the brides when the rabbi got downstairs. But people were gathered around the food tables. "Ease up a little," Ron told Will Du, who was in charge of the spiked punch, "you don't have to card everyone."

"Hey, Ed," Ron asked, "did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?"

"No."

"It wasn't much of a wedding, but great reception."

Ed groaned, "I think I figured out what drove Kim into the arms of my sister."

The cake was gorgeous, probably four times as large as necessary but so dramatic it was worth it. It stood on the center table, waiting the appearance of the brides. The figures for the top had been a problem. The cake specialist had a catalogue of options, and Ron had wanted to mix-and-match a Kermit the Frog groom from a set where he was with Miss Piggie and a traditional bride of a matching size. "Poor taste," Kim had told him when she vetoed it. "She's self-conscious enough about it without you rubbing it in her face."

"Speaking of rubbing it in the face, are you two going with that tradition?"

"No, Ron. That is like, so childish." But it did start Kim thinking. And in the end Ron had gone with two traditional brides atop the cake.

Ron had enough to eat spread out on the buffet tables that no one seemed too anxious to get to the cake. Monique, however, was curious about the noticeable absence of Kim and Shego. "Where are the guests of honor?" she asked Ron.

The blond man chuckled, "I told them about the yichud. I suspect they're--"

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder; the rabbi turned him around, "And just what did you tell them about the yichud?"

"And what is a yichud?" Monique demanded.

"It's a little time for the couple to be alone," the rabbi explained. "If they haven't eaten anything before the wedding it is a chance to have some food and talk for a minute." She glared at Ron, "There are other traditions about what used to happen at the yichud. I want to know what you told them."

"Why do I still not feel like I know what is going on?" Monique asked

"Well," Ron stammered, "I might have mentioned the story that the couple would have sex then, just sort of testing out the old virginity clause in the wedding contract."

"Ron, you didn't!"

"Sorry, 'Nique, it's just such a good story."

"Oh yeah, the perfect thing to say to those two who haven't seen each other in a week. It would be nice if they could make it to their own reception."

Fortunately the two appeared a few minutes later, looked only slightly disheveled and very happy.

Flashes went off as the two cut the cake. The first big slice went onto a plate and Shego carefully held up dainty piece up on a fork for Kim. More flashes went off as Kim opened her mouth for the small bite. Then Kim grabbed a large chunk of cake in her hand and held it up. _"Don't shove it in my face, please don't shove it in my face,"_ Shego thought desperately as she leaned forward to take a bite. Those with cameras hesitated, suspecting they knew what was going to happen and wanting to record the look of Shego's face when the inevitable occurred. Unbelievable as it seemed Shego bit off a small piece without harm. As she chewed Kim put the rest of the cake back down. "I'm sorry for doubting you," Shego whispered after she swallowed. "I thought you were going to shove the cake into my face."

Kim patted her on the rear, "Would I do a thing like that to you?"

"I thought you would. I apologized."

"Oh, no need to apologize," Kim giggled. "What I'd do is get white frosting all over my hand and then pat your fanny. You've got a big white handprint on your ass now."

"I'm going to--"

Ron and Zita had been distributing champagne during the cake cutting. Before there was time for any violence Ron spoke up, "Somehow it always falls on the Best Man to make a toast. I'm hoping if I really do a bad job on that today I can kill that tradition all by myself." Ron raised the glass and looked at Kim and Shego. "Here's to the happy couple. If these two can work it out there's hope for all of us."

After the first toast the string quartet, who were now relocated into the entryway, began a slow dance number and the fathers of the brides claimed their daughters for the first dance. They were soon joined on the floor by Hego and his mother, and Jim with his.

Joss snagged Ron for the first dance. "Ron, I have a problem I'm hopin' you can help me with."

"What is it?"

"There's this older guy I kinda' like--"

"How much older."

"I don't know for sure, four or five years anyway."

"Too old for you Joss, definitely too old."

"I'm jus' askin' for how I should try and tell him."

Ron thought for a second, "You should approach him with a hypothetical question. Ask him what you think you should do to tell someone you like him."

"I have a hypothetical question. How should I try an' tell a guy I think I like him?"

"Do like I suggested: ask the hypothetical question."

"That's all you're gonna say, isn't it."

The rest of the dance was silence between them.

Drakken looked around, most of the women had been claimed as partners. He noticed a thin woman standing by Felix. The blue man hung his cane over a doorknob, went over and bowed slightly, "Might I have this dance?"

Justine looked at Felix, who tightened his mouth but gave a shrug that said, "It's your choice."

"I have never danced," she apologized.

"Well, it's time you learned."

Drakken proved a good dancer. "Mother started me in dance lessons when I was five," he explained.

Justine enjoyed herself, and tried again with two of Shego's brothers, Jim, and a second dance with Drakken. Felix felt a strong sense of frustration with his own lack of mobility. Justine felt his frustration and stopped dancing to be with him. He urged her to dance more, but was pleased she wouldn't, and he felt guilty for feeling pleased.

The fathers of the brides switched partners for the second dance.

"I really want to thank you and Anne for all you've done for me," Shego said. "Kim tells me that I'm hard for you to accept, but you've always been kind to me. I... I appreciate that, really."

He was silent for a minute. "Has Kim ever told you about her mom's parents?"

"No."

"They really taught me the importance of accepting whoever my children choose to love."

"Really open caring people?"

"I'll let Kim tell you about them. And you got a lot of parental approval points for playing bridge."

Shego's father had not had as much time to grow accustomed to the idea. "It's a funny world, isn't it?"

"Yes, I guess it is."

"You're not exactly what I've pictured for Georgie. Do the two of you know what you're doing?"

"Did you and Susan really know what you were doing when you got married?"

"Well, if you're going to put it that way, we probably didn't."

"And you've had how many happy years together?"

"The years haven't all been happy. And we never had some of the problems you two will face."

"We're trying. We love each other. That's the most important thing."

"Yes, it is." He kissed her on the forehead, "Welcome to the family O'Ceallaigh. We don't always play nice with each other, but we try to be there for each other when it counts."

Monique left her plain punch bowl often during the afternoon and early evening to dance with Will Du, who paid more attention to his spiked punch bowl and less to his partner than he should have. She took him by the chin during one dance and turned his face back to her, "There're only a few minors here. And they're all bright. Pay attention to me. Weddings get women in romantic moods."

"They do?"

Monique sighed. So bright in so many ways, and still dumber than a post in others.

Ron managed to grab Wade, "Go ask Joss to dance."

"I can't dance."

"That never stopped me. Look, go ask her to teach you to dance. That's even better."

"What if she says no?"

"If she says no then she says no. Is that the worst thing you can imagine? Man, you need to have Monkey Fist sic his monkey ninjas on you."

"They can only beat up your body. A girl can kill your ego."

"Go for it guy, you don't know unless you try. Shego says you were doing nothing but stare at her after the trial."

"Shego saw that?"

"Well, Kim saw it too after Shego mentioned it to her."

"I am so dead."

"No, you're just a little shy. Have you ever asked a girl to dance?"

"No, I… Ron, stop it!"

Ron had Wade by the arm and steered him over to where Joss stood by Kim's mom. "Joss," Ron interrupted, "I think you've been introduced to Wade. Wade here has had one aspect of his education sadly neglected. I was wondering if you could to take him out on the dance floor and show him how to move his feet."

"Well, I don' know…" Joss hesitated, fearing that Ron was trying to get her out of his hair.

Wade had never felt so embarrassed in his life,_ "Ron, I'm going to get you for this."_

"Please, Joss, as a favor to me?"

"Well, I s'pose. Come on Wade." She took him out into an open area, "Now, put your left hand 'round my waist like this. Okay, now we hold hands and…"

Ron and Anne Possible watched from the side of the room.

"Joss talks about you far more than she should," Anne teased Ron. "I think you have hopes of ending that."

"A guy can always hope," he laughed. "By the way, I don't think I've ever stepped on your toes."

She smiled. "I don't think that's any way to say 'thank you' for all the meals I've served you over the years. But come on, with any luck Kim only gets married once." The two joined the other couples on the floor.

Bonnie had latched on to Ed for a dance. "Howdy, stranger," she said, "I haven't heard from you in a long time."

He was silent for a minute, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I was hoping to ask you to homecoming last fall… I really wanted to--"

"Then why didn't you?"

"My dad kind of pressured me into a blind date. And we sort of hit it off. I've been dating Connie since--"

The dancing paused momentarily as Bonnie screamed, "WHAT!"

As the dancing began Ed asked, "Why are you so upset?"

"You're dating my sister?" she hissed.

"Your sister? Your father is the Alchemist? Theo is your brother?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said you're dating my sister Connie."

"I said I was dating a Connie. Do you have a sister named Connie?"

It was Bonnie's turn to be silent for a moment, "Yeah, I have a sister named Connie. Sorry about the outburst. I don't get along very well with my sisters."

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to call you. I just… I don't know. I didn't plan on liking her."

"That's okay. She's probably closer than I am." She impulsively kissed him on the cheek. "To what might have been."

Ed returned the kiss to the cheek, "To what might have been."

At the end of the dance Bonnie drank the second of what would be too many glasses of champagne.

A second toast was followed by a fast hora lesson from the rabbi and the Stoppables. Then two wooden chairs were set in the circle and Kim and Shego told to sit on them. Several of the stronger guests picked up the chairs and danced around in the center while the outer dancers circled them. After Kim and Shego had their turn on the flying thrones Kim's parents went aloft.

"That's your brother?" the rabbi asked.

Shego nodded. "He wouldn't participate in the ceremony, but he's willing to lift and dance."

"He's stronger than an ox."

"Yeah, and almost as bright."

And finally Shego's parents took to the air in the third circle dance.

A third toast was followed by a couple traditional non-Jewish wedding customs.

Kim stood up on the fifth step with her back to the guests and threw her bouquet over her shoulder. Kim had aimed in what she remembered as the general direction of Monique. As Monique reached for the flowers, however, she was suddenly shoved to the side and Justine grabbed the bouquet. Several people laughed, and Justine and Felix simply looked at each other and smiled.

After the tossing of the bouquet came the tossing of the garter. Kim stayed on the third step while Shego reached underneath her dress to take off the garter. Kim turned deep red and glared at Shego as her hand emerged from under the dress with a blue garter, and a pair of panties

Shego gave Kim a smirk and slipped the panties into her jacket pocket, then tossed the garter which generated a small struggle from which Shego's brother Will emerged with the prize.

The quartet began dance music again, and Ron went out on the floor with Kim, who appeared to be in an ill humor.

"Why are you so upset? It's an old groom trick. You have a pair of panties balled up tight in your hand when you reach under the dress, then you show them after you take your hand out."

"It wasn't the old groom trick. Those were my panties.

"You mean you're not wearing--"

"No, I'm not!" Kim hissed. "I don't know if she did her burning trick or something else to get them off me, but those were my panties. I've got figure out some kind of payback."

"Uh, it seems to me that you already kind of paid ahead."

"Paid ahead?"

"The white handprint on her ass, remember?"

"Oh, that," Kim giggled. "So you're suggesting we call it even?"

"That's one suggestion. The other is go upstairs and put some panties on."

"Sounds like a good idea… Hey, you were looking at Shego's ass?"

"Duh, hello! You put a big white handprint on it and everyone is going to look

The twins and Jason were under the nominal supervision of Tara, who mostly indulged her son. Jason's entertainment seemed to consist of pushing down one girl, then the other and laughing. "I'm going to stop that," Kim muttered to Shego

"Chill, Princess, the girls seem to enjoy the game and attention."

"We can stop it now, while they're just playing. Or we can wait until someone started crying. I say we stop it now."

"Stop them while they're having fun and they resent you. Come to their rescue when they're crying and you're a hero."

Kim was about to intervene anyway, but the twins found a solution by themselves. When Jason came over to them for another round they both grabbed him and all three went down on the floor, rolling around and squealing with laughter.

"See, Princess, you'd have stopped their fun."

"And if someone had hit her head on the floor how would you feel for not having stopped it?"

Kim had little time to talk with anyone as much as she would have liked. "I'm due any day now," Tara told her. "We've picked out Jessica as a name, the ultrasound said it was a girl."

"What does Jason think about having a sister?"

"I think he's excited. Maybe more excited than Josh. I keep thinking he's going to ask to marry me."

"You could ask him. I mean, if you're living together you should be able to talk about it. Maybe he thinks of you as married already."

"I don't know, Kim. I feel like he doesn't."

Tara's impression was confirmed later in the afternoon when Josh saw Kim go into the kitchen and followed her a minute later. A shout of pain from the kitchen brought Shego and several other people into the kitchen. Josh was down on his knees on the floor; trying to get his breath back.

"What happened?"

"Ron asked me to bring out another smoked fish platter," Kim explained. "Josh came in to help, and he doesn't know the kitchen. He must have turned and really racked himself on something."

Tara looked horrified, "Poor baby," she said, giving him comfort.

Kim and Shego were finally able to get in a dance together a little later. "What really happened in the kitchen just now?" the pale woman demanded.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there is nothing in the kitchen that would have given him a pain like that, except maybe for your knee."

"That obvious?" Kim sighed.

"It was to me."

"He was hitting on me--"

"Hitting on you?"

"Is it that impossible to believe?"

"It's no insult to you. I just mean, on your wedding day? To another woman? The man must have brass balls."

"He doesn't," Kim giggled, "I checked... Josh is good looking, and has always been a good talker. He's been stringing Tara along for years now. He knows I had a crush on him at one point. I don't know if he really wanted me, or just wanted to prove to himself what a great scam artist he is."

"Do I need to defend my wife's honor?"

"No, I think I took care of that for myself... It's Tara, Jason, and Jessica I feel sorry for."

"Jessica?"

"The one who hasn't been born yet."

Drakken and Kim even managed to dance once. He was a much better dancer than she expected, but given how low her expectations were that wasn't difficult.

The rabbi got Mustapha Kemal out on the floor for one dance.

"I am surprised to see you and your wife here."

"I was faculty advisor for them both."

"How about today you skip the Zionist terrorist jokes and I skip the Muslim terrorists jokes?"

"I will accept that. You know, life was much better in the Middle East when the Turks were running everything. We knew how to keep the Arabs in their place. They should put us back in charge."

The rabbi made a peculiar noise.

"What was that?"

"Just clearing my throat."

"It sounded a lot like 'Kurds and Armenians'. I thought we agreed to not talk politics."

"We did. Then you started it."

"Sorry. How are classes this semester?"

"Pretty good. Two sections of comparative religion. We'll be on Islam in April. Can I have you back in for a guest lecture in both of them?"

"No problem - if there is no conflict with my schedule. Call my department and tell the secretary the class times."

"How are your classes coming?"

"Nothing like the war in Iraq to generate interest in modern Middle Eastern languages. I've never had classes so large."

The rabbi smiled grimly, "I think that's the first good thing I've heard coming out of the war."

Drakken had a marvelous time, although he came dangerously close to being cremated in the evening for failing to warn Shego before a dip.

Kim approached Bonnie, "Okay, the quartet is leaving soon. One dance. You promised."

"That was before Ron--"

"Ron and this morning have nothing to do with it. Come on, just like back in jr. high when all the boys were too shy to ask a girl to dance and girls always ended up having to dance together."

"Okay."

Halfway through the dance Bonnie was able to relax and enjoy herself, "You're pretty good, Possible. You and Drakken are probably the two best dancers here - after me."

"You should dance with Monique. She's probably number two here. Oh, and I'm warning you, I'm about to hug you."

"Thanks for the warning."

"God, Bonnie. Thanks for saving the girls. Thanks for busting my chops when I need it. Thanks for being my friend."

"You're welcome. You can let go now."

"Not 'till you hug back."

"No."

"I can hug a long time. Shego's mom gives lessons."

"Oh, all right," Bonnie said and put her arms around Kim. "Thanks for being my friend."

"See, not the end of the world."

"Can I wish you were a cute guy?"

---

The families of the couple were the last to leave. Ron played host and said goodbye at the door. "Do you want us to stay and help clean?" Susan offered. "The job will go much quicker if you have Will and Ed working with you."

"Those two look like they need their sleep," Ron said. "I'm going to look around for anything that has to be put away tonight. Everything else can wait until tomorrow."

"Okay," Anne Possible said, kissing him on the cheek. "But if you need any help, just call."

Zita had turned in early. Kim and Shego were upstairs putting the twins to bed. Monique and Will had left with Felix and Justine for some quiet time at C2K and other Valentine's Day plans. Ron wasn't sure where Bonnie was, but found her while he did a fast check in the library. She sat, alone in the darkness, on a chair that had been moved in from the living room to make more space for dancing.

She didn't even react when he turned on the light. He knelt on the floor beside the chair, "Are you all right?"

Bonnie turned to look at him. "Wha's ron with me, Wrong?" she giggled.

"Are you just talking about the fact I think you drank too much champagne and now you feel like your brain is wrapped in cotton?"

"I mean I'm suppose ta be thirty before all the guys are gay, gotten, or goofy. I'm jus' twenny-one and can't fine a nice guy. Wha was tha song Shego had 'em play for Kim. 'Where have all the good men gone? I wan a hero?' Hell, I don' wan' a hero. I just wan' a nice guy. Gay, gotten, or goofy," Bonnie giggled. "I thin' Junior's gay. I like him, but he never wan' to kiss or anything. Ed jus' told me he's got a girl friend. He's dating not my sister. Isn' tha funny? He's gotten. Tha' leaves goofy. Are you goofy, Ron? I thin' you're mean. Or maybe you're gotten. You never tol' me about Yori. That was mean."

Ron sighed, "We've been over that. I really am sorry. I like you, and you're so beautiful I--"

"You really thin' I'm booful?"

"Yes, you are."

"Thans, Ron. I have to tell myself 'cause no one else ever seem to tell me."

"You're drunk, you know that don't you?"

"I'm not drun' I'm booful!" she giggled.

"You are allowed to be both. Now, can I help you up to your room?"

She stared him blankly for a minute, then giggled again.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Can you walk or do you need to be carried?"

There seemed to be a second of rationality. "I'm sorry, Ron. I thin' you need to carry me."

He lifted her in his arms, she put her arms around his neck and sobbed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He has no idea what she was sorry about, and suspected that the next day she wouldn't either.

He carried her upstairs and laid her gently on her bed. He took off her shoes and when she struggled in vain to take off her skirt he helped her. He folded the skirt and draped it over the back of her desk chair, then unfolded a heavy blanket over her and tucked her in before he turned off the light and started to head back for his own room.

"Ron?" Bonnie called

"Yes."

"Don' leave me. Please."

"You're drunk. I won't take advantage of a woman who's been drinking."

"I'm not askin' you to make love. I jus wan someone to hold me."

Ron left the door open. _"This is definitely a mistake,"_ he told himself as he sat down on the side of the bed and took his shoes off before slipping under the blanket on her right side. _"She probably won't even remember this was her idea tomorrow."_ But for some reason he didn't want to leave her alone, he wasn't sure if he was responding to her need to be with someone, or his own.

Bonnie snuggled up against him. Life had changed a lot since he was bottom of the food chain in high school. Bonnie had been at the top of the social order, and now she was so lonely she wanted his company. He had girls in two different classes sending signals they wanted him to ask them out. He had a high school sophomore confessing a crush on him; Ron smiled a little at that one. It looked like Wade would be working hard to take that problem off his hands, which Ron thought sounded like a good idea for everyone concerned. He suspected Zita had no real interest, but Bonnie's warnings had made him overly nervous. But it was Yori that he loved and he had no business even thinking about other women. And here he was in bed with Bonnie. The kiss from two days earlier came back into his head, a memory so strong it left him aching. She had simply been scared he told himself. With one finger he gently pushed a strand of brown hair off her face. After the way he'd hurt her Ron was pretty sure she had no interest in him. He stroked her hair. She smiled in her sleep and snuggled closer. _"This is definitely a mistake,"_ he repeated. _ "I love Yori. I love Yori." _He repeated his mantra softly to himself until he too fell asleep. Ron slept poorly that night, and only in part because of Bonnie's snoring.

--The End--


End file.
